Huh? Um...okay, that is fine with me.

Is it me or does it sound like the Doves riffed off of "Heatwave" for their song "Black and White Town"? Whatever. The shit is nice. If you steal at least bring it and bring it well.

Thank you Doves and thank you Martha & The Vandellas.

I'm working out the choreography as I type this. It shall be tight.

http://www.emichrysalis.co.uk/doves/nme_popup/10012005/

Hey Jesse Jackson!

Sir...yes, you, Mr. Jesse Jackson, Mr. Rainbow Coalition. Just want to throw this out there. Um, now I think you feel that since you are a "Reverend" and all you should get all up in this Terri Schiavo madness but back out of it. No for real, not your issue. Please, for the love of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost let this die down without you getting all "I have a dream" about it...PLEASE!!!!

See, a great deal of the public that is all rah, rah about keeping her on a feeding tube are some pro-life/right wing zealots...aka...fucking insane sumofabitches. Last time I checked Randall Terry, that fun guy, is involved in the movement and if I'm not mistaken he don't like colored folks. Come on now...do you want to rub elbows with dude? I'm sure him and David Duke go fly fishing together...that is not sexy.

With that...take it home man. I'm sure they need more speakers at the Johnnie Cochran funeral and the Rev. Al Sharpton is going to need some back up my brother.

On that note...if I ever get in a vegetative state I'm asking my friends and family to please PULL the plug, the feeding tube whatever...for real. And if that can't happen I need someone to make sure a few things are taken care of. Here we go:

1) Make sure that my eyebrows, and upperlip are waxed...I would like the ladies of Nails Town to do it, preferably Esther...she is rad.
2) My hair is bound to be a mess...naps out of control and my kitchen totally unruly. At all times I must have a freshly pressed black hankerchief on my head.
3) I have very dry skin...bound to be hella dry if my ass can't move and I need to be flipped around all dang day...my lotion of choice is St. Ives Cucumber Melon...fragrant, but not too much. Fresh.
4) Please hide any "toys" that might be in apartment. Really, as my mom is grieving she doesn't need to find any...um, appliances. Not fresh.
5) The spiritual leader that shall lead vigils as I lay in wait to meet my maker shall be the great Rev. Al Green...and when he needs to really break shit down I would like him to be backed by either Queens of the Stone Age or by Sly Stone's band...the Family Stone. No exceptions. If they want to all jam together that would be awesome.
6) Oh and I hate hospital gear...I need some comfy threads. My preference is 100% cotton girlie boxers, a hoodie and a form fitting t-shirt...I'm partial to American Apparel. Oh and I get cold at night, I might need some long terry cloth pants...they don't have to be Juicy Couture, I have a pair from Delia's which are just as good.

Okay, I think that is some food for thought. Everyone take their vitamins and stay safe!

Ben Lee is just precious

As usual I'm listening to KEXP.org and today Ben Lee was on. Goodness gracious...I just want to put him in my pocket!

I was always impressed with how prolific the kid is but never really listened to his stuff-- but after today I want to buy some CDs...or whatever the youths are into. And his song, "Catch My Disease", is some infectious stuff. Dag. Before there was that Conor Oberst character there was Ben Lee...but like funny and shit. I mean come on, introspective can go only so far---and then I want to slap the taste out of someone's mouth.

Oh, and speaking of funny...man, did he make me chuckle during his live performance. What a charmer that Ben Lee is, and such a wordsmith.

Hey, Claire Danes, you made a HUGE, huge mistake. Stupid trick.

Last night the shit was broughten!

Um, how do I begin to talk about how amazing and gutwrenchingly RAWK last night's Queens of the Stone Age show was? I mean, for real, I'm still all a flutter and giddy on how much damn fun I had seeing my favorite band and having them rock me a like a damn hurricane. Shit, whatever, I'm so ready to embrace the fact that I'm about to sound like a 14 year old with my adoration and whatever but I don't give a fuck, not a solitary skullfuck.

Okay, so the show was at Webster Hall and despite it being a hollow bit of clubland "glory" it really is a great venue for a rock act...saw the Hives there and it was super. Oh let's stop with the background and get to the rawk...

I was with the lovely Aly Corn and Renee Frisch* and we got there around 8:40...got a good spot in the balcony area and they went on at 9:30...sorry Aly, I know I was like they are going on at 8:45 and freaking out but shit, at least we got there to get a spot...and when they went on it was SO OVER!

This curtain comes down and pa-dow it was like the Hammer of the damn Gods up in there. Now I know that people say that New York crowds are jaded but if you were at the show last night you know that that was not the case. But hell, it's hard to be jaded when you are seeing a band PLAY their instruments like it's just second nature and seeing them have the crowd in the palm of their hand...and rightfully so I might add! This is a band that needs to give major symposiums on how to just be awesome. Unfortunately it might be a waste of time because these new rock jacks can't learn that shit so they all should just sit down and come to terms with the fact that they will NEVER be as good as QOTSA. Not on CD, vinyl or cassette form and certainly not live.

I have seen QOTSA four times now and this show was the BEST...and blah, blah, blah...yeah, it was wikked awesome when Dave Grohl was drumming for them...that is a given, we all loved that, but answer me this...have you seen the power of Joey Castillo. Is that a no? Okay, well then Google the motherfucker. This man is a MONSTER. There were times when I thought his arms were going to come off of his body he was drumming so hard and fast...I was scurred of him...shit. My man was working hard. And oh yeah, he's Mexican and I love Mexicans. That makes him superduper bad.

So while I'm at it, let me just give some shout outs to the rest of the band:

Troy Van Leeuwan: Besides being a sharp as hell dresser, no for real, brother is tight as fuck, this man is a great instrumentalist and brings it. He played the gee-tar, the slide gee-tar, the bass and still kept his tie on and his vibe fresh. Daddy, keep doing you.

Mark Lanegan: Sweet Jesus...at this point you all know how I feel about this man. He's got just the smoothest/roughest voice. Him and Josh sounded like magic together and I was just in awe. PLEASE, if you don't have his solo work, slap yourself in the face and rectify that right quick.

New folks--Natasha Shneider and Alain Johannes. Okay, they have worked on the Desert Sessions project and their own shit for years (oh, and with Chris Cornell...rad)...these folks are COOL as hell. From my little balcony perch it looked like Ms. Shneider was working out a Diamanda Galas thang and for that I say...thank you, thank you so much because that is my lady right there. Natasha was pounding the keys and it wasn't background nonsense, it was there because it needed to be. And Mr. Johannes, I love that name, was playing gee-tar and bass and just was showing the kids how it was done.

Now let me just take a moment to wax on about the ringleader, Mr. Joshua Homme. Sigh. This is what you call a frontman. Tall, some attitude, but not too much, a great player and sexy too boot. Swoon, like swoon squared. He commands the stage not just with his presense but with how GOOD he is...he can fucking play, not kinda, but totally. I mean, there were men squealing like little bitches with joy just to be near the stage and getting to hear the man do his thing and that is beyond swell. After each song I would turn to Renee and be like, "Did you hear that? That is rad!" And she would look at me and just freak out too. Yeah, we were tripping a lot! Josh, I heart you, end o'story. Did I say he was sexy as hell? Just want to make sure that comes across.

The band played for TWO FULL HOURS and I could have taken another hour! The majority of the songs were from the last two albums but they threw in some classics just to mix it up. When they did "Avon" from their FIRST album I was just besides myself. Oh, and the drum breakdown in there...that is where that monster Castillo action really comes in play. Dang my brotha, dang! Andholyfuckingshit...when they did my FAVORITE song, "A Song For the Dead" I bout busted a casket...there is not way I can describe how brutal and heavy and bluesy this song is and live...well it's just ovah! Everytime I have heard them do it I've been like that is how you play a song--but this time they floored me to the point where I'm not going to try and describe the awesomeness of it. You missed it, you suck. Sorry.

Man, so all I have to say is find a way to see this band on this tour. If you have to take a hostage or set your family on fire, do it. It will be worth the time you will have to spend in the Po-Po for it...and don't forget, all of your new jailmates will love to hear how QOTSA brought it!

SuperRAWK!


*I wanna give a few moment to some fresh folks:

Aly Corn for coming and bringing the rawk even though she left early...she is so metal it hurts. Love you boo. Oh, and the fact that she threatened to throw a girl over the balcony makes her extra coo.

Renee Frisch for being awesome and coming to join the QOTSA train. She is a fan and knows how to wig out accordingly with me. Extra points for staying out till 2:30 in the morn and kicking me in the leg when we saw Josh and Brody at Niagara after the show...I'm sorry, did I drop a few names, yeah, I did. Sorry, remember, I'm still giddy.

Shari Scorca for coming back to the NYC to visit and celebrate her 29th b'day...work it out girl...and just being fabulously foul during the show...bitch, I agree with EVERYTHING you said. Coachella is going to be awesome.

Robert Mancini for just being the Mancini. Dude, was there and in charge. I heart this man to no end and he embraces the power of the QOTSA. You are IT...no joke! Oh and he's married to my friend Tanya which makes him better than the majority of the world population.

To the negress on the other side of the balcony that was doing "the wop". Glad to see more of my people in the fray and getting fresh with it. It was a hot look.

And finally to the sexy people that were not at the show, and you know who you are...remember they will be coming back to the city...you best jump on that train...wut, wut!!

New friends are awesome

Let me start off by saying that I'm one hell of a people person that can get really annoyed by fools but I do enjoying meeting new heads that restore my faith in humanity. Okay, that was a little extra but just roll with me...

Last week Mr. Read and I went to Essex before planning to see the Brazilian Girls. Had some chow, cocktails and chatted. Well we are both fun people so we ended up chatting and cocktailing to the point where it got too late to see the show so we continued the party train to 151.

If you don't already know 151 is MY spot. I had my 29th b'day party there and tore the shit up and my girl Yanna and I used to go there every damn week so one of the bartenders could pine for her...straight entertainment...it was a good look. Anyway, we hit it and it was like I like it pretty empty and dark...sweet.

So we saddle up to the bar and I hear the two dudes next to us talking about the Cocteau Twins and them pulling out of Coachella and I'm like, well I don't know what the sound of whipping around in chair is but that was what I was like that. (Honeychile that is for the next post...I'm hella pissed about the CT, I could flip over a table with a newborn on it. Bitchfuck!) At this point I'm sure the Mr. Read was like oh lord, let her mind her business but that was not going to happen. So I'm like what up, ain't that some shit about the Cocteau Twins, sorry to butt into your conversation but I'm vexed. First dude was like, no worries, yeah I feel you and chat, chat, chat. At this point I was just feeling friendly and I felt the door was opened so I walked the fuck in kept the mouth running. Thankfully the Read is a friendly chatter also cause next thing you know the introductions are made (Paul and Andre thank you very much!) and bam...we got new friends.

In no time we are talking about the acoutics of music venues in the city and the magic of Coachella and the Mr. Read and Andre (he's the brooding one, nice dude, don't be scurred!) are all getting in depth about Minor Threat and Bad Brains. Some times passes, we switch dudes and Andre and I are going on about Mars Volta and I'm telling him that we all have to meet up at the bar Rope* one day and take over the jukebox and carry on. Then the other gents are exchanging e-mails cause Paul said he was going to add us to his list that he sends out each week about upcoming shows. Good looking out Paul, cause of that I saw that Eagles of Death Metal are playing on the 5th...swalla!

Moral of the story, there are some nice and cool as hell music heads out there to get your blase blase on with. Andre and Paul are rad and have good taste in music. And when it comes down to it that is what is life is about...radness and good taste.

SuperFresh!

*Rope is a GREAT bar near my partment in Clinton Hill. It is owned by the fancy Frank, he is French and so very. You know how the French are. Well they show movies on Sunday, have a good amount of seating, a great backyard for Spring/Summer dranking and the crowning jewel of it...a killer jukebox. Um, two QOTSA albums on it. Yeah, awesome. Did I mention that I will be seeing them in two days? Well I'm doing it now. It shall be rad.

I'm not going to back down completely but I might step down slightly for like a minute

Many a folk know that I'm not all on the Bright Eyes/Conor Oberst train. Like the whole love fest screams of Scientology to me but I got to say this...

I just saw the video for "First Day of My Life" and my shit was like...gulp...touched and whatnot. Let me try and convey the spirit of this video. Okay, snuggle up to screen so we can all capture the moment.

Um, so when it first came on and I saw it was directed by John Cameron Mitchell I was like:
A) Damn, Conor must have one hell of a budget cause his ass got a "faux auteur"...I did enjoy Hedwig I must say
and
B) Oh shit, is this going to be ridiculously arty cause I'm really not in the mood

But that quickly went away...

So the premise is for loved ones (couples, families, a preggers woman, a dog(!)) to be on a couch and they are listening to a really sweet lovey dovey song together, each with their own set of headphones. Some of the folks are all romantics, others are jokey, some are introspective but each group doesn't seem contrived at all. You can tell these are real couples from a variety of different backgrounds and they are hearing this song for the first time...it's like tender son, like real tender. And another key point...it's just so simple and not a gimmick and I love that. No special effects, no Eric Roberts cameo (you hear me Killers? I got your number!) just letting your hear a good song.

So there you go, I gave props to Conor (and subsequently John Cameron Mitchell) and my body is not rejecting it...it actually is warm and fuzzy about it. Pretty song and a great video. It's official, in my old age I'm getting soft and you know what, I totally feel good about it.

Oh, but I will still will cut fools that step to me, that ain't going to change.

The full length video:
http://www.mtv.com/bands/az/bright_eyes/artist.jhtml

Teenage girls & Miami Bass

Seriously, two great things that go together.

So I just got the new Fannypack and it's like L'Trimm/Salt-n-Pepa & 2 Live Crew got their freak on and had a booty clapping baby. This is so hott. Right this moment I'm wearing daisy dukes and I'm doing "da butt" from the top of my desk while typing this out with my feet. Cause you know I like to get monkey on. What you know about the simian movement bitch?! Nothing, so sit the fuck down. Wut wut?!!!!!

God knows I love when 30 something year old males exploit the youthful zeal and talent of two mixie-pixie girls (the other honeychile in the group is 20 something and Caucasian in case you cared) so this second album really takes that to the next level.

Fuck it, 12 or 234, I don't give a dang...if you give me some "doodoo brown" action and say "tit-tays" in a song I'm happy. Shit, get some sweatshop chilren up in here if need be, just keep my milkshake moving.

Now my ass does not go to clubs but I when I put this on album on I was like oh shit, I need a halter top, some blue eyeliner and a good Naomi Campbell like weave so I can go out...preferably to some dank spot in the Bronx or Queens cause that is where the fancy go. It also reminded me how much I can't wait for PS1 to begin (yeah, I know, it's like 15 months away but work with me) so I can act a fool. Yanna, where you at GURL?!

Moral of the story: The shit comes out like next week. Get is so you can get all cute and whatnot.

Key tracks:
"Keep it Up"--Some straight up step-show shit
"Seven One Eight"--Really, the only thing that can be said is, "Shortie what ya workin' wit?"
"Pump That"--I'm scurred of these little trick ass tricks...LOVE IT!

It's official

I'm TOTALLY over the Killers. Someone had to be brave enough to say it and I think I'm the bitch to do it.

Oh yeah...and Josh Homme is on FIRE in the "Little Sister" video. Queens of the Stone Age, as an entity, are so dry hump worthy. All other bands need to back the fuck down. Yeah, 8 more days till the show at Webster Hall. I'm need to start doing squats to prepare for the rock.

Built to Spill

This is just a general post on how great this band is. Seriously Doug Martsch is a lyrical genius and needs to be praised for his way with words. On top of that the music is just on point and for that I must say bravo.

I must also say BRAVO to Mr. Christopher Provenzano for introducing me to the magic of BTS about...shit, what was that three years ago...when he played one of their albums on a road trip to Vegas from LA. See it went something like this...

I was in LA doing some shoots and had the weekend off. My girl Aly Corn was out there visiting her college buddy, the above mentioned eye-talian, and was like meet us up for a drank. So I met her, Chris and another dude at the Rainbow Room. Yeah, Lemmy from Motorhead was there. It was wicked awes. Anyway, two minutes after meeting Chris I was like oh snap, yous about to be my new best friend whether you like it or not playa and that was when the bonding began. Aly was like, we are going to Vegas tomorrow come and I'm like um, yeah, nah, fuck you fuckers. And then Chris was like it's going to be money and all that other Swingers talk...blah, blah, blah. Now even though Chris was gunna be my new best friend I was damb if you are going to tell me what to do.

Fast forward 8 hours. I wake up in my hotel room and was like, well the fuck else I got going on. Might as well roll with them fools. So I call Aly and I'm like y'all still around and she was like oh suki, suki now get your gear straight. And there you have it, my road trip to Vegas.

Now besides it just being fun and shit Chris put on the BTS during like hour 3 and I was like what is that and he was like peep it and there you have it...been hooked every since. Whenever I hear a BTS song I think of Vegas and what a great fucking time I had with these people. Oh and we saw Tony Danza walking around the Paris Hotel and Casino being all Tony Danza like and I had a Denny's Grand Slam Breakfast at 6am the following day...yeah, we got there at like 5pm on a Saturday and left at 1pm on Sunday. Shortie, what you workin' wit?

The moral of the story is take your ass on a road trip and get yourself some BTS...preferably, Keep it Like a Secret. That whole album is my jam. In my top ten, no questions asked.

Oh, and for y'all out there that slept on it...the show at Southpaw (5/15) is SOLD THE FUCK OUT. Wut, wut? There are three shows at Irving that week but don't kid yourself, the Southpaw show shall rule.

Carry on.

Word of the week

Weegro

wee*gro (noun)
a small negro

This is funny...I will use it whenever I can and only when it has become a staple of the American lexicon will I be able to rest.

I would like to puff out my weegro chest and say that I came up with that but I have to bow and give the credit to Mr. Read. Son is funny...and I know funny cause I crack myself the hell up on a daily basis.

Alone and in the fetal position

Last night I was tired as hell but my cable was out and I couldn't bear the thought of going to bed at like 8 pm or even reading-- because trying to piece together words and then sentences and then eventually paragraphs was too heavy for me. Resulting in that I grabbed one of the three DVDS from Netflix (best thing ever created). that I had laying around for 34 months, andthe one I grabbed was The Notebook. This began an evening of quiet and intense sobbing.

Let me get this out of the way right now: I'm not a fragile human being--but if you had seen me Sunday night you would have thought that I needed to be held and told that everything is alright-- and eventually with years of therapy I would begin to actually love myself and therefore the world that I live in--it was that kind of scene. Also, in case you are dying to know, I wasn't even PMS'ing so there was no chemical reason for why I was acting like I was bat-shit insane. It comes down to the fact that once in awhile you need a good old love story staring the magnificent James Garner and Gena Rowlands; the superfoxy and talented Ryan Gosling; and the utterly delightful Rachel McAdams of Mean Girls fame. They had me at the opening credit sequence.

Here is a quick rundown of the movie:

James Garner's character is in a nursing room and everyday he reads a story about two young lovers to Gena's Rowlands character who is suffering from dementia to try and help out old girl. And you know reading is a good diversion because nursing home life is not sexy, you need something to break-up the day...unless it is in this movie because the facility the oldies are at is REAL nice and the staff is kind. This is totally fiction.

But let me get back on track...

The story is about Noah (Ryan Gosling) and Allie (Rachel McAdams) and it's the basic he is country and she is a city girl in the country for the summer with her rich as fuck family. Young Noah is cute, funny and sweet but he ain't got no scratch...therefore the family is not super thrilled by him. Regardless they fall in love over the summer and are having a blast but then he finds out she is going to Sarah Lawrence and overhears her mama (played by the fierce Joan Allen) calling him trash and that he is not suitable for Allie. Well Noah is like yo, I love me some Allie but I can't stand in the way of her future and I'm a giver but I got to break this up. Well Allie is not having this. They have a fight and she is like well I'm going to break up with you and then is like oh snap just kidding. The next day her moms is like pack your bags we are going back home...shit hits the fan, she can't find Noah to say goodbye and it's a wrap.

They pine for each other and Noah writes her a letter everyday for 365 days...of course her mom intercepts and she doesn't get one letter. Time passes, Allie is at school and Noah moves to Atlanta. He then enlists in the military, sees some war and then comes back to his town and to his loving father (the always badass Sam Shepard...hello, the cast is on fire!) who has sold his house so Noah can use the money to buy this old rundown plantation and renovate it...a dream of his for years.

At this point Allie meets this soldier (James Marsden, no where near being as rad as Ryan Gosling) while she is a nurse's aide, they fall in love and they get engaged...and this stokes her parents to no end because he comes from good southern stock...and that is just money in the bank.

Seven years have passed and accidently Allie sees a picture of Noah and the house he built (that was supposed to be their dream house), faints while in the middle of a dress fitting, and then then decides to make amends for what went down. See, apparently when people make amends my synapes get all in gear and it triggers my tear ducts. Um. I'm about to cry again. Must.focus.

I don't know why but you give me that simple poor boy-rich girl formula and some dementia thrown in for shits and giggles and it just gets me in the gut. At one point I'm just sitting on my cute little purple couch, wrapped in my lovely and soft blanket from the Target ($19.95!), and tears are just streaming down my face and by the end of the film (I'm not even going to allude to what goes down) I'm just quietly sobbing. Yes...SOBBING...and let me not lie...it wasn't dainty-- it was some "oh shit, my son almost got out of the ghetto by getting the right SAT scores to get into USC but on the way home from getting some milk he got mowed down by gang members and now his dreams and therefore mine are not shattered" sobbing. Or something of that ilk. I got up this morning and my eyes were so puffy I looked like Farrah Fawcett after Paul LeMat kicked her ass in "The Burning Bed".

All is all this is what I'm telling you. This is not a brilliant and original film but it is a sweet movie that knows just how to bring you to your knees (if you a girl) and the acting was really good...not for play, play but for real, real. Sometime you just need to let it go and tap into that inner "Romantic Period Piece" part of your soul. Seriously, it's a moving kind of thang.

Oh, did I tell you that Ryan Gosling was and is hot? Yeah, he is. Oh and the outfits in this movie are fierce. Rachel McAdams can work an ensemble...I'm scared of old girl right there. She was living AND twirling. Rent it.

One, two, one two...is this thing on?!

The mighty kexp.org is raising money to make sure their amazing radio station keeps representing--and YOU NEED to contribute.

I know I just swoon over this station constantly but it really is that good. They play music that is so varied it knocks me on my ass each and everyday and I have discovered great bands since I have been listening. From the Black Keys to West Indian Girl to Ray LaMontagne to Esther Phillips...they keep us music heads educated.

The final reason I'm posting this is because one of the bad ass DJ's (John from the morning show) was on the mic a second ago and said that he can't stand when DJ's try to act holier than thou and hipper than hip...his goal is just to bring new music to music fans because he is a fan just loves what he does. You know what...they play singles, they play what they like and they play songs that bring back good old memories for them and the rest of fools that remember 1989. Dammit and amen...I have a crush on this station and the disc jockeys!

So if you love music and have the nerve to utilize the world of internet radio then contribute and make sure these lovely folks continue to kick out the jams. Oh and you can write it off...that is what I'm doing. Word.

https://www.kexp.org/support/pledgenow.asp
1-866-903-KEXP

It's official...the Golden Globes are WAY better than the Oscars

Okay, yeah, I know, I'm about two days late with my Oscar commentary but I just woke up from the boredom induced coma that dog and pony show put me in. Let me break it down:

1) To the Academy Awards telecast producers...Just kill your lame attempts of being edgy...it's ain't eva, eva, eva, eva, eva gunna work. Alright? Don't try and parade Chris Rock out on your show because you know that Hollywood types can't take the ribbing he throws out to musicians when he hosts the VMA'S...musicians make for a better audience because they are already drunk or high and don't give a fuck, not a solitary fuck. Just because you loved Bigger and Blacker don't try and hype us up and let the public think you are going to let him do that kind of comedy...you will never be that progressive. Now if you had booked Paul Mooney, that would have been deep.
2) Chris Rock...baby, about 3 or 4 years ago you said in an article that you would not do the Oscars because it was an old man's gigs. Remember that the next time they ask you to do the show again. That being said...God bless him...there was no way he was going to succeed. I smell Ellen DeGeneres hosting soon...America loves a funny lesbian that likes to dance and does Amex commercials.
3) Um, next year why don't the producer not only parade nominees on stage and have them stand in fear as hundreds upon hundreds of people stare at them...in addition to the millions at home...but take it up a notch and shoot the losers at point blank range. That should give the show a fresh Sophie's Choice feel and kick up the ratings. Just a suggestion.
4) Oh, and next time you have a dark person...oh hell, anyone that is not white...host the show try to restrain from cutting to ANY and EVERY person of said host's race...we got it.
We are the world and the show director is lazy...blah, blah, blah. Y'all ain't slick-- my people were bused in and this is some Brown vs. the Board of Education madness right here.
5) And for the love of Bob Barker...please don't try and cop his game. Having fools get Oscars in their seats is some "Price as Right" shit. The presenters don't like like it, the nominees I'm pretty sure feel like retarded pygmies and I'll tell you right now I don't like it... so drop it.
6) Don't let Beyonce ever perform three songs...it was annoying. More annoying, the Counting Crows. There is nothing really to say...they sucked and Adam Duritz needs to be put out.
7) Hey Sean Penn...get a sense of humor. I think it would even you out. And in case you forgot you once did Fast Times at Ridgemont High if you want to put a few things in perspective.
8) Hollywood has beef with Martin Scorsese. Why? Cause he is Italian...and Italy is near Africa. Therefore Martin Scorsese is black. Since the Academy already gave Jamie Foxx and Morgan Freeman (well deserved!) awards that night they couldn't fuck with the quota. Seriously, it's a mandate.

Now for the good stuff...
1) Bravo for having Salma Hayek stay on stage for like 5 hours to presents awards and whatnot...she is on FIRE! Really, if I could just rest my head against her bosom it would be rad. And yes, I felt this way WAY before I started watching the L Word. Seriously, I would kill a small village to have her body...and I totally have a crush on my own set-up so this is saying a lot. Damb. Oh, and sorry Penelope Cruz. Any other woman that has to stand next to her is just going to have to feel second, third or forth rate...oh well, them the breaks.
2) For Johnny Depp always looking so uncomfortable. He is so not buddy-buddy with the Hollywood game and I love him for it. Let the Depp/Tim Burton weird union never be broken in that town! And yes, he was looking all sorts of eclectic Sunday night but no matter what he is one of the prettiest men ever. If he and Salma Hayek did a movie together I would have a stroke.
3) A big curtsy to the ever graceful Cate Blanchett...she is a class act. I read that in the press room they asked her if she was going to be a diva now that she won an Oscar and she said, "Oh darling, you have NO idea." And this was after she decided at the last minute to do her interviews holding her Oscar instead of her glass of champagne. The preference was the booze but she thought it might "look bad". I totally want to be friends with her and invite her over to have brunch.
4) The fact that we live in a world where Hillary Swank is a two times Oscar winner is just he-larious! She is like the new Jodie Foster or something. I'm telling you that season on Beverly Hills 90210 and The Next Karate Kid were some good ass training. Ian Ziering is totally going to win an Oscar any day now...I can just feel it in my bones.
5) Yippee for Charlie Kaufman winning Best Original Screenplay for Eternal Sunshine for the Spotless Mind. Wow, the Academy went on the limb and ACTUALLY gave an award to something that was really original, go figure. Anyhoo, the movie was genius, wee Charlie is a genius nut and big up to Michel Gondry for being part of this award and making a great film. Nice to see a brilliant video director turn auteur.
6) The shout out Chris Rock gave to Brooklyn at the end of the show...at that exact moment it became the Vibe Awards but regardless BK shout-outs always make my heart warm. You know that shit was for Biggie.

And now on to the Oscar viewing shout-outs:
1) Big up to Miss Toni Ann Carabello for hosting a lovely gathering for us awards show junkies. My girl always come through...and she made some chocolate chip-walnut cookies that were sick!
2) To Jessica Leigh Brown, my pal and former roommate. She was not only the first person there but she came straight from Connecticut after trying on bridesmaids dresses all weekend. Not fresh. She made me laugh like I was cracked out when in all seriousness during some point of the show she said that she has nightmares that one day she will wake up and Michael J. Fox will be dead. Yes, I will be TOTALLY fucked up if Alex P. Keaton leaves our world too soon but her delivery and timing with this was pure comedy.
3) I tip my hat to Hillary...a new addition to our world. Hillary is a new pal of TA's and she is super sweet and amusing as all hell. She gets the "Can Take Abuse From Toni Ann and Erika Like a Damn Champ" award...the new kids need to be initiated. That is the rule.
4) Mr. Read for not only coming out to watch the Oscars with a bunch of very opiniated gals (it can get mad ugly) but sitting through the pre-show and jumping in when we were talking shit about the celebs. Extra two points for throwing something at the TV when Star Jones Reynolds made one of her many stupid fuck comments. I loathe her.
5) Matt Laumb for FINALLY showing up and letting TA and I get really AMPED about showing him our favorite scenes from the L Word when the show was over...Showtime on Demand, again, is the best!
6) And me for making spinach dip...seriously I want to have babies with that dip.

See ya next year!

That Halle Berry is one hell of a sport!

Another heart of a champion right here...

Oscar-winner Halle Berry's flop Catwoman and President George W. Bush's government were the big winners at Saturday's Golden Raspberry Awards. Berry shocked film fans when she graciously arrived on stage, clutching her Academy Award, to collect her Worst Actress Razzie at the Los Angeles ceremony. Catwoman won four accolades, including Worst Director for Pitof, Worst Picture and Worst Screenplay. Berry said, "Oh my gosh, oh my God. I never in my life thought that I would be here, winning a Razzie. It's not like I ever aspired to be here, but thank you. When I was a kid, my mother told me that if you could not be a good loser, then there's no way you could be a good winner. It was just what my career needed - I was at the top and now I'm at the bottom."

Thanks Ry Ry for sending me this!