It's 37 degrees with a slight chance of flurries...what you got to say about that?

I'm watching the CNN, like I do every morning, after I get my first half hour or news from NY1 (Pat Kiernan...I heart you!), and the bar was raised once again.

So Rick Sanchez, one of the newscasters was bitching and moaning about how had a ton of frost on his car and it took him forever to get to work...cause of all of the shit that is going down in Georgia. Well my girl Daryn Kagan, his partner in crime, is like, "Oh poor little Florida boy!"...all mocking and whatnot cause she is a thug like that. And then Rob Marciano, the meterologist bust out to Rick, "Well welcome to the ATL" and it was straight gangsta. Like I was waiting for him to throw down that little clicker thing they use to get to the next weather image and start throwing gang symbols.

For real, it was awesome.

I quess you had to be there. But I was and I laughed my ass off. Old age really does make life really amusing to me. Sigh.

I'm a happy bitch

Wanna know why? Cause the line-up for Coachella was released and THE FUCKING COCTEAU TWINS WILL BE THERE! I'm so stoked I'm about to throw up in my goddamn mouth. Swalla!

Every year they kill it at Coachella. I mean, just when I thought they couldn't top themselves they just come out and slap me in the face like a trash-talking hooker with a heart of gold and bring it! The first year I went it was Jane's Addiction (sans Eric Avery, that is NOT cool but you dig) then the Beastie Boys and last year PIXIES! And now a band that I have loved as long as said Pixies that I have NEVER seen before...the Cocteau Twins...it's 4AD heaven up in this bitch. Seriously, these bookers are trying to give me a slight stroke cause my little system can't take this much happiness. Oh shit, I'm getting dizzy.

And we not going to even get into the fact that The Chemical Brothers will be there dropping it like it is hotter than hell. When they were there last there they had to shut em down cause the desert couldn't handle the block rockin beats. And really, that is a lot to handle. Beyond that you got the dirty south stylings of Diplo, Weezer, Bauhaus (get your goth on!), NIN, Rilo Kiley, The Prodigy, Gang of Four, New Order, Black Star and my new favorite Arcade Fire. This is making me feel not so bad about sleeping on getting tickets to their show this week in the NYC that sold the fuck out. Stupid. Anyway, the line-up is insane...check it:

http://www.coachella.com

Now I don't have my tickets yet...cause they aren't on sale yet...but a few minutes ago my girl Shari and I reserved a condo for the weekend so we are feeling real sexy. 3 bedrooms, 3 baths, and a patio facing the pool. Yeah, don't be jealous...it's not a good look. The best part, 2 miles from the venue and if you have ever been to Coachella you will know what holy hell it is to get there.

So there you have it...I'm tripping and I will continue to trip. And for real kids...try and make it out to the desert this year...it is so worth the heat to listen to great music with a bunch of amazing people! Shit, mama might have a little space in the condo...Shari and I will make sure there is some extra frozen daiquiris around! Yippfuckingee!

I'm so going towards the white light

Okay, this is it.

I have now been sick for going on three fuck ass weeks. This is stupid as spit. What was called a cold by my punk ass doctor is the damn flu and I want to take a hostage. Yeah, I know that I'm not the first and I won't be the last fool to have the flu but this is my blog and I if want to bitch and moan and flip a table over I will (I wish I could, I can barely hussle to the loo, let alone flip over a napkin).

My ass has been home since Thursday and I'm getting cabin fever. Left the spot to go a full two blocks to the supermercado to get some supplies on Saturday and while I was in line I broke into a full James Brown sweat, had to take a squat and the store manager thought he was going to have a scene go down (yeah, I kept it together because it would have been so not sexy to fall out in the checkout line...and if I'm going to fall out I better be in full hair and makeup and backlit...come on, everyone feels that way)...I'm not leaving my house again. Oh, and then I went to the pharmacy to get a prescription filled and this woman preceeds to tell me that my laces were undone. I tell her that it was actually a string from my pants and it's no problem. She tells me that I should take care of it and then I'm like thanks for looking out I'll do that and then she keeps pressing me. So I turn to her with sweat feeling the need to cascade down my wee brow (mind you, for real, I'm not a "sweater") and I say, "Ma'am, I'm having a really bad day, I feel ten times worse than I look and would you mind just easing off." I get a, "Ohhh, um, I'm sorry...I hope you feel better." For real, looking like death will shut a mother down. But thanks lady for looking out...just not a good time.

So enough about the death watch.

Here's what I have watched because right now...reading is just too much:

*Unforgettable Blackness: The Rise and Fall of Jack Johnson
GREAT Ken Burns doc...on the PBS and DVD...check it. If you don't want to spend 4 hours on this rent James Earl Jones The Great White Hope...1960's account of Jack Johnson's life that Mr. Jones first did on B'way and then the big screen.

*Dodgeball
Stupid but just hearing Christine Taylor say "I just threw up in my mouth" is funny. I love Rip Torn too.

*Collateral
Not a Tom Cruise fan but he is taking names and numbers in this one...ending is bunk but worth seeing. Shot on digital video, work it out Michael Mann.

*Riding Giants
Stacy Peralta has got the "action" sport documentary locked. Even if you care nothing about the world of big wave surfing it is really entertaining and I developed a little "grandpa" crush on Greg Noll...the old timer 50's surfer...nothing like a jolly old man with potty mouth. The making of doc at the end of the film is interesting too. If you haven't seen Peralta's other doc, Dogtown and Z Boys, you must rent it. That I LOVED...one of the best soundtracks too (along with Dazed and Confused and Pump Up the Volume)...treat yourself and get that also!

*The Gift
This was on TNT so it might not be "authentic" but got to see Giovanni Ribisi go crazy and Keanu Reeves sucker punch Cate Blancett. Hey, it was free.

I think there was other stuff I saw but I get the nods a lot.

Last night's set

Cause I know you have been waiting with baited breath...Here you go!

Sweet 69-Babes in Toyland
Shake Your Rump-Beastie Boys
I Remember-Damien Rice
Unsung-Helmet
Electric Relaxation-A Tribe Called Quest
Sweetness & Light (My Bloody Valentine Remix)-Lush
It Don't Mean A Thing (If It Ain't Got That Swing) (Live)-Ella Fitzgerald
Honky Tonk Woman (Live)-Tina & Ike Turner
Grace (Live)-Jeff Buckley
She Came In Through The Bathroom Window (Live)-Joe Cocker
I Loves You Porgy (Live)-Nina Simone
Play Some D-Brassy
I Only Want You-Eagles of Death Metal
50 Million Year Trip (Downside Up)-Kyuss
Lusty-Lamb
Brick House-Commodores
Skankin to the Beat-Fishbone
Forest Whitaker-Brother Ali
Come to Me-Mark Lanegan
Meeting in the Ladies Room-Klymaxx
Crown of Love-Arcade Fire
Girl From Ipanema-Esther Phillips
Girl is On My Mind-The Black Keys
What Have I Done to Deserve This?-Pet Shop Boys
He War-Cat Power
Just a Man-Faith No More

Unfortunately next week will be my LAST week. The place that I do this webcast from is closing down for renovations for a few months...boo...but I'm going to try to find another spot to keep bringing the magic!

Girl on Girl Action

Can we talk about the smack down known as the Condoleezza Rice confirmation hearings in front of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee? Holy shit...who would of thought it was going to turn into American Gladiators?!

So I'm watching it off and on for the 9,325 hours it was on yesterday and Barbara Boxer brought the fire! Now, I'm from Cali, I'm a registered democrat, hell...I'm even wee like the Boxer so I feel her...but even I had to be like you need to take it down to like at least 7 old girl. I'm giving her this, she was telling Condi about herself and what she was NOT feeling but it was just that a big old, "You suck, and let me break down how and why you suck and while I'm at it...did I tell you that you suck, cause if not, let me do it again for another 5 minutes without breathing."

Now let me put this out there, I love a good bitch slap fest like the next fool but attacking one's moral fiber is some shit, and dare I say, just dirty. Yeah, all politics are dirty...and we sure know war is, cause that is what BB was tripping on but wow it was extra. It's like talking about someone's mama...you just don't do it. She all but said, "Yo, Condi, you sucking off Bushie there? Cause I know that is why you have been shady as hell and I think you straight up are lying and that is why motherfuckers are dropping like flies in that there Iraq." For real, I'm sure that Babs is straight street...she was THIS close to flipping a table over. Watch some C-SPAN reruns of the "event" and you be able to check it.

Anyway, Condi was like oh snap, no you didn't. And for the first time I swear she had some emotion. She looked BB dead in her eye and was like, "If you EVER try to question my integrity I will snap your neck like a twig. You hear me white woman, cause you about to see me get REAL black...I know y'all didn't know it was in me but I'm from the South and I know a thing or two about lynching a sumofabitch!!!!!!!!!!!" And at that moment I was like, oh this just got real sexy...give mama a cold compress cause it is heated up in here!

This morning started the 10,321th hour of the hearing and again BB was allowed to bring up some more points...sigh. Now love her tenacity but shit, can you ask a question or two this time instead of just donkey punching Condi...she is sore and wants to go home...we all do. So for about 10 more minutes straight she went on a tirade but the best part were the cutaways to Condi, it was like she was prepared this time. She has her head tilted to the side, eyes cutting through glass and had that look that just said, "Go ahead, push me...see what happens next." When she finally was allowed to defend herself I got to say she did it with a whole lot of grace and style. The whole time Babs was interrupting her and Condi took it like a champ. Me, I would have slapped the taste out of her mouth. Okay, not really because a) can't do that shit at a Senate hearing, b) I hate confrontation and therefore never been in a fight c) no need to feed into violent racial stereotypes...but you know what I'm trying to say.

Moral of the story...still not a huge Condi fan, I mean for the love of god her job is to wipe the ass of Bushie...but I do respect her grace under fire...and we are talking some backdraft madness. She didn't back down from the Boxer (and she was acting like an actual boxer during their exchange) and that has to count for something. But you know what? If I was Babs and was stuck with that dreadful haircut on air I would lash out at others too...and that morphing into Dustin Hoffman thing can't be helping either. Seriously, put those two side to side....uncanny.

Take it to the head!

I like beef just as much as your next 100 pounder but damn....

100-Pound Woman Downs Six-Pound Burger
CLEARFIELD, Pa. (AP) - A 100-pound female college student is the first to meet the Denny's Beer Barrel Pub challenge: down the restaurant's six-pound hamburger - and five pounds of fixins' - within three hours. Kate Stelnick, 19, of Princeton, N.J., made the five-hour drive with two friends from The College of New Jersey on Wednesday, after they saw pictures of the monster burger, dubbed the Ye Old 96er, on the Internet and on TV's Food Network. ``I just saw it on TV and I really thought I could do it,'' Stelnick said, after downing the burger in two hours, 54 minutes. Stelnick didn't eat for two days to prepare for the challenge. ``I felt very full, but I was too excited that I actually ate it to notice,'' Stelnick said.
Denny Leigey Jr., the owner of the bar 35 miles northwest of State College, had offered a two-pound burger for years and conceived of the six-pounder after his daughter went to college and phoned him about a bar that sold a four-pounder.
But nobody had finished the big burger in the three-hour time limit since it was introduced on Super Bowl Sunday 1998 - not even competitive eater Eric ``Badlands'' Booker. The 420-pound Booker - who has eaten such things as 49 glazed doughnuts in eight minutes and two pounds of chocolate bars in six minutes - tried three times to eat the burger and finally did on his third effort. But it took Booker 7 1/2 hours.
The burger takes 45 minutes to cook, and those who try to meet the three-hour limit must use no utensils and eat all of these fixins: one large onion, two whole tomatoes, one half head of lettuce, 1 1/4 pounds of cheese, top and bottom buns, and a cup each of mayonnaise, ketchup, mustard, relish, banana peppers and some pickles.
Leigey said he was pretty sure somebody would meet his burger challenge, though he didn't have a petite woman in mind.
``I wouldn't have made it if I didn't think it was possible,'' Leigey said.
For her trouble, Stelnick got a special certificate, a T-shirt and other prizes and - as advertised - Leigey picked up the $23.95 tab for the burger.

This should be an indicator to her family and friends that she is totally going to start a career in porn...or dating black men exclusively. You do you tiny dynamite!

Radio setlist (1.12.05)

Check it...

Kool Thing-Sonic Youth
Black Steel in the Hour of Chaos-Public Enemy
No Trophy-Band of Bees
You Were Right-Built to Spill
Ms. Fat Booty-Mos Def
This Apparatus Must Be Unearthed-The Mars Volta
Hounds of Love-Kate Bush
Tired of Sex-Weezer
Don't Crush It-Kool Keith
There's No Other Way-Blur
I Never-Rilo Kiley
Isrealites-Desmond Dekker
Sugar Walls-Sheena Easton
Stand By Your Man-Candi Staton
Diabolic Scheme-The Hives
Christiansands-Tricky
We Don't Care-Audiobullys
Children's Story-Slick Rick
She Sells Santuary-The Cult
Sheela-Na-Gig-PJ Harvey
Cherry-Coloured Funk-Cocteau Twins
The Bronze-Queens of the Stone Age
La Breeze-Simian
Helpless-Sugar
La Vie en Rose-Grace Jones
Stutter-Elastica
It's Alright Baby-Komeda
Little Fluffy Clouds-The Orb

Don't forget...every Wednesday from 8-10pm (EST) @ http://officeops.org/ops/?D=14

Girls Gone Wild

Now this is just a basic statement, nothing profound, and nothing that I need feedback about...something I wanted to get off my chest while watching a batch of new Girls Gone Wild commercials. Those slags that flash there teets for a t-shirt and cheap notoriety are stupid fucking cunts that need to have the shit beat out of them from their loved ones. I'm not even your family and I'm mortified. I mean come on, you ain't even getting a cut of the DVD sales--you are just advertising for a world class gang bang. Now, if they were offering to pay off student loans and purchase homes for the "ladies" I would be down, poppycock, even a G5 and a printer would be worth it, but they ain't. So since that is the case, my hate-a-thon continues.

Yeah, NyQuil brings the best out of me.

Just a few things

1) I'm now smitten with John Grisham. He was on The Daily Show last night and he was just so witty and that honey dipped Mississippi drawl is just delightful.

2) Okay, everyone back the fuck off Angelina Jolie. She is hot as hell but that doesn't mean she broke up Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston, I mean come on, what kind of challenge is that for old girl. Seriously, like most heterosexual women I would totally go lesbian with her. She already has the Asian baby, we could easily nest in Park Slope.

3) Man, does Paul Giamatti feel beat. At the Critics Choice Awards (yeah, what about it, I'm completely amped for the Globes, get off my labia) his flick, Sideways, wins pretty much it is up for: Best Supporting Actor/Actress, Best Ensemble Acting, Best Screenplay, Best Picture, Best Skullfuck...you know everything. So it gets to Best Actor and he TOTALLY loses to Jamie Foxx for Ray. You play a blind legend you are a lock, that is just the deal. I mean if Ray Charles was also retarded they would have given Jamie Foxx the Nobel Peace Prize on top of it all. Anyway, they cut to Paul G. and he has a look that says, "Well fuck me up the ass, ain't that some stuff. Thomas Haden Church here, Mr. Ned and goddamn Stacy gets an award and I get dick...whatever." No worries Paul, I think it says somewhere in the Geneva Convention that only once every 40 years can a black man win an Academy Award for Best Actor. Keep your dream alive.

4) Kool Keith's "Don't Crush It" is hot. If I have to explain to you what this is about then you need to drown in a pool of your own vomit.

5) I wanna make out with Paul Mooney. Just throwing that out there.

Kneel at the alter or step the hell back

My apologies for not posting this earlier as a little tribute to the honorable Ms. Shirley Chisholm. I should be slapped real hard across the face. This woman was IT. There is no way of denying it and the kids need to learn their history. Rest in peace...and shake it the fuck up in the afterlife Ms. Chisholm.

http://www.cnn.com/2005/ALLPOLITICS/01/03/obit.chisholm.ap/

Also check out the doc that was done on her. The television premiere will be part of the PBS POV series on February 7th @ 10pm.

http://www.pbs.org/pov/pov2005/chisholm/

I hate being sick but I love the rawk

Okay, so I have some bullshit cold that is making me all sorts of angry and rank. But you know what brought a smile to my face? My awesome friend Tony sending me a the new Queens of the Stone Age track. Yes, it's awesome.

Check out their website to take a listen. I heart Josh Homme and his band so much.

http://qotsa.com/flash.html

Okay, back to being miserable.

Two more words that need to brought back into the American lexicon

1) Fingerbang
2) Hump

Really, do I have to say anything else? They are totally the new old skool black. Seriously, this year I will do everything in my power to make sure that these fine words are said as simply as "Hello" and "Thank You" in everyday conversation.

Okay, I'm no Nic Harcourt or Matt Pinfield...

...but in my mind I'm way cooler than Ryan Seacrest!

On that note I just finished up my first radio engagement and I had a ball. I must say I was nervous cause I didn't know what the hell I was doing but shit if 2 hours don't pass like damn lightening when you playing some ditties. Oh, and yes, I fugged up a few times, but it could have been worse, right?

Got to give a shout out to Todd at OfficeOps for breaking it all down for me in a flash and not making me feel like I was down with the syndrome. A HUGE amount of love goes to my dear friend Chris Provenzano who was listening in LA and called my cellie to tell me to speak UP when I was on air...Sir, that was kind of you, and quite money. I shall dedicate tracks to you every damn week. Lots of hugs to Ms. J Boogie Brown (yeah, that would be Jessica Brown, but doesn't Boogie Brown sound fierce?!) for e-mailing me tonight to say she listened and she is on the quest to get me a full blown radio show. Gurl, yer funny and fabulous...love you like a former roommate and pal for life!

Shit this was more fun then waking up with my ass bleeding and then getting high. Really, never thought anything could top that!

So, if you didn't get it check it out tonight (and I hope you do in later weeks when I hopefully get better!) here's what I played. Fresh.

In order:

Methamphetamine Blues-Mark Lanagan Band
I Don't Know What It Is But it Sure Is Funky-Ripple
Alone Again Or-Calexico
Waiting Room-Fugazi
The Bridge is Over-Boogie Down Productions
Once in a Lifetime (Live)-Talking Heads
If I Ever Feel Better-Phoenix
I'm a Man-Steve Winwood
Take It Easy My Brother Charles-Jorge Ben
Pauline-Eleni Mandell
Nadine-Frank Black & The Catholics
Institutionalized-Suicidal Tendencies
Violently Happy (MTV Europe Unplugged)-Bjork
The Truth-Handsome Boy Modeling School
Trouble-Ray LaMontagne
Hall of Mirrors-The Distillers
Tainted Love-Gloria Jones
Changingman-Paul Weller
Vanity Fair-Mr. Bungle
Pretend We're Dead-L7
What Are You Afraid Of?-West Indian Girl
Funk 49-James Gang
Eple-Royksopp
Cities In Dust-Siouxsie & The Banshees
If You Want Me To Stay-Sly & The Family Stone
Pit Stop (Take Me Home)-Lovage
Station to Station-David Bowie
I Wanna Make it Wit Chu-Desert Sessions 9/10

Is this thing on?

So tomorrow my dearies I will be trying to indoctrinate a few more souls into my musical world by hosting my own radio show on the web. The same folks that bring the tri-state area "Rock and Rollerskating" have their own web broadcast and I'm suckling from their non-commercial teet. Yeah, I'm a dork and I'm stoked. If you are around a puter from 8-10 this Wednesday (and every other after) give mama a little support. Shit, if you are feeling real sexy hit me on my e-mail and throw out some song requests. Uh huh, I'm feeling myself. Someone has to dammit!

Smooches!

Site:
http://officeops.org/ops/?D=14

Day and Time:
Wednesdays (starting 1/5) from 8-10pm

Really, haven't brown people been through enough?!

I don't know what God has out for less developed nations but he/she need to cut them A TON of slack. This is beyond apocalyptic and not fair at all. If you are looking for places to donate money to help in the Earthquake/Tsunami relief effort in Asia click on one of the sites below:

Oxfam
http://oxfam.org/eng/programs_emer_asia.htm

Unicef
http://www.unicef.org/index3.html

Doctors Without Borders
http://doctorswithoutborders.org/

American Red Cross
http://redcross.org/

Paul Weller

The man just gets foxier and foxier as the sand passes through the hourglass. I have nothing more to say than that. I felt like someone needed to step up to the plate and share this little morsel of wisdom. Thank you.

New Years Eve is usually beat...

...but me and the kids had a gay old time at my spot!

Going to a bar in NYC for "The New Years" is an ordeal, plain and simple so this year I decided to have a gathering because:

a) I have my own place
b) I have a working fireplace (okay, it's broke at the moment)
c) And I'm a lazy trick and I wanted people to come to me...don't hate, celebrate

You know there is nothing beater than paying a shitload of ducats to hang in a spot with fools that you would rather slice in the face then share the the same air with. Seriously, I'm not being nasty, just honest. If we all spreaded a little more troof in the world it would be a better place. Amen and hallelujah.

So it was a small gathering with some good people, good food (my spinach dip can bring a man to tears) and more booze than I want to ever see again. For real, the day after I had to hide the shit from my eyes cause the thought of another drop of liquor touching me lips could possibly give me a stroke...until I have another drink tomorrow.

From 10 to 3 in the morning I was drinking Prosecco and peach nectar like a alcoholic lady that lunches...and for real, it was sexy at the moment, the next day, not cute. Why I thought drinking something that resembles champagne was not going to give me the same feeling that champagne has, and that feeling is called a fucking hangover, makes me retarded. Straight up "The Other Sister". I'm too old for this shit but I guess it keeps me honest. But enough about my feelings of nausea and disorientation the next day.

I have to give major shouts out for my people coming and coming deep with gifts. The joint was packed to the rafters with chips, dip, pies, liquor, mushroom caps....it touched the cockles of my little heart. We ate, we drank, we talked...it was like, um, a party, but even better. Yeah, that made no sense but I get it and that is all that matters dammit. Anyway, we toasted the new year old school Korbel style with about 2 minutes to spare cause surprise, surprise, I almost forgot it was about to be midnight. We would have done it with Mr. Dick Clark but y'all know old dude is recouping from a stroke (get better Dick, get better brother) so we kicked it in with crazy ass Regis...whatever. At this point it would have been smart to slow the dranking down but of course I decided to be stupid, go figure.

Regardless I had a ton of fun and I think the childrun did too....it cleared out at 3:30 and that ain't to shabby. At this point I have to give a very afterschool skool special thank you to Mr. Ryan Ingrasin* for cleaning up my kitchen at 3:30 in the morning just because. Yeah, you heard that...HE.CLEANED.MY.KITCHEN.JUST.BECAUSE. Yes, I am special and you are not...we are totally going to get married within 24 months cause that is just the hot thing to do and he did one of the nicest things a boy has ever done for me. Honey, I'm a simple bitch. All I have to say is swiffer. End of story and period. Tear.

I also have to give a salute** to all the ladies in attendance. My girls are fucking cute as hell and I swear if I was a dude or a lesbian I would stick it in them and move it around a little. Y'all bitches looked good. Extra star for Ms. Sarah C.'s adorable top...she was killing it. For real, all of em, tasti-d-lites! Renee, BRAVO for coming to the BK...gurl, you know I appreciate that shit cause I know that you DON'T LEAVE "The Hat"...that is tender.

So in summation...good times, good times. I woke up with my ass bleeding and then I got high. Rad.

*Be a sport and support my man Ry Ry...the film he produced, Devils Are Dreaming, is screening at Anthology Film Archives this Wednesday at 8pm. You can feel like you are being artsy and cutting edge while not even breaking a sweat. It's a win-win situation.

**Non-party attentee love goes to Jason Black for feeding me a lovely grilled pork tenderloin and sauteed veggies at his home on New Years evening. For real, I felt like I had been beaten like Farrah Fawcett in The Burning Bed and this made me feel so much better...oh and him letting me drape myself every so dramatically on his person as I bitched and moaned was swell too. I heart that man.