It Must Be Announced Right Now...

...that KEXP.org is playing Sir Mix-A-Lot's "Posse' on Broadway". This makes an old skool bitch's heart warm. Holla!

Reason #435 on why I have enjoy the Bill Hemmer

I could give a rat's big booty ass about 'American Idol' but this morning on CNN my boy Hem-Hem and Soledad O'Brien were talking about that hillbilly winning last night, Carrie Blair Underwood or something, and Soley turns to Hem-Hem and was like, "Come on, she's not that bad" and my boy just gets all stank looking and busts out, "She's aiiight..." and then sighs.

I fucking love that dude. All cute and a touch belligerent....sigh on my part now.

Oh, and hit me back later...when I have time I'm going to have to bust out my manifesto on why Britney and K-Fed need to be put down...that 'Chaotic' show is just that...a fucking bunch of chaos. Watching that shit makes me want to puke in my own vagina.

And fade to Jason Black...

Al Sharpton starring in "The Jimmy Carter Story"

The Rev. Al Sharpton is now taking his processed hair ass to Mexico to try and "broker" a "better apology" from President Vincente Fox. $50 bucks Senor Fox busts out "N*gga please" en espanol.

Just a hunch.

http://abclocal.go.com/wabc/news/apress_052305_sharpton.html

Dude, you are doing the AIDS Walk!

Okay, this pithy little title might not make sense right now...but my children, oh, it will come full circle, oh yes, yes it will.

Let me break you off some...

Yes, it has been over a week and I am now FINALLY breaking down of the 20th annual AIDS Walk New York but guess what? I raised $1,250 dollar for this cause that has effected each and every person in this world and I can take my sweet time getting to it...oh, and sometimes I can be quite lazy. Head bowed down. Sorry y'all.

Last Sunday, my girl Adrienne and I got our asses up at stupid o'clock (Ad-Rock told me that on the subway and it made me giggle like a little girl, she is sooooooooo funny) and met up in Central Park to work out our athletic kicks for 6.2 miles.

Let me start off by saying it was really heartwarming*, and I'm being real here, cause you know I bleed sarcasm, I mean really heartwarming seeing how many people came out to do the AIDS walk and how many really young heads were there. There were a lot of kids out there that might have the image of being the activist, pro-social, carrying a banner for a cause kids but they were there and I was like shit, those motherfuckers are the future and I might not be too scared now that I rolling with some of them on Riverside Drive. Speaking of Riverside Drive...hell, that is lovely area, all in that uptown world. As you know mama lives in Brooklyn and I do get lightheaded when I'm above 42nd Street (actually 14th, but since I work in fucking Times Squares I have adjusted to that altitude...like Macchu Pichu but worse...those tourist are really making that area unbearable, but that is neither here nor there) so I am rarely uptown.

Besides the greenery and whatnot let me breakdown the two major highlights:

1) One of the greatest, greatest, greatest things EVER was seeing the Gay and Lesbian Marching Band at mile 1 or so jamming on the one to entertain us walkers. As Adrienne and I were approaching them it was a beacon of light came forth when we saw this statuesque BLACK (yeah I capped it because he BROUGHT it) man in a skintight white leotard doing a baton routine. Um yes, I said leotard and a baton. It was what I like call...awesome. Now, just when you think it can't get more awesome, because, there is always a wall you hit in being rad, that wall was brought down when three young men came out in black leotards...you get it, ebony and ivory...touching...get into formation and the band busts out into...."Crazy In Love". It.was.on.fire. at that point. Everyone that was walking past, stopped, got their cameras out and started taking pictures like we were witnessing monkeys shitting diamonds. Yeah, I know, that made no sense, but I still liked it.

2) The snacks that were distributed along the 6 miles I love snack...really, I love that shit. Life should be about music and snacks if you ask me. Oh, and humping. That is important too. But before I go on a tangent about that you must know about the goodies. We got:

Oranges
Fancy Iced Tea
Peanuts
Pretzels
Ice cream (WUT! WUT!)
That fruit leather stuff...like fruit roll-ups

...and probably some other stuff but I was really amped by the fresh orange slices and cute containers of ice cream!

For real, my dogs were barking but it was a damn blast and I felt like a giver...and that is always fun. But giving can take the life out of you so as result one needs to re-fuel. And by re-fueling I mean going to Essex to have grub and me-mosas. Okay, we are getting to the title line now...

Lil Adrienne and I get to the Essex after doing more in a few hours than most people do all day (can you tell we were feeling ourselves?), get seated when the lovely Jessica Leigh Brown joined us, and guess who the fuck our waiter is? Here we go...the young chap that used to the "Dude, you are getting a Dell!" commercials...the same one that got canned after he was busted for pot possession by the Po-Po in Washington Square Park! Um yeah, I was straight up WTF son?! It took everything in my soul not to start laughing when he announced he was our waiter and asked if we wanted drinks...I wanted to ask if I could more memory on my Dell at home but I thought that might be a little extra. So instead I waited for him to leave the table, grabbed Jess' arm and have her confirm my ID and I instantly started texting heads and called my dear Jason Black so I could tell him about my E list celebrity sighting. Reason number 348 for me loving Jason...he always cares about the most ridiculous shit that no one else would care about...thank Jesus Jess was with me cause she is pretty much the only other person that cared...oh and Tanya Mancini...she thought that shit was a hoot too. But I digress, again...

Ben, that is Dell dude's name, was a good old waiter and god bless him, a nice guy...with a sweet pair of Hugo Boss pants on...kid was styling. Jason was luckily in the nabe and came to have some dranks with us and make comments about Dell dude. I mean what is better than having booze and discuss the fall of a young thespian from grace? Nothing. Well, fresh baked cookies is kinda good too. I have to say my little heart broke a touch when I saw a table near us grab him and I think bring the"Dell" thing up...I was like shit y'all, let the brotha have little dignity, he knows he's the "Dell" guy, he remembers it everytime he has to bring your ass a Bloody fucking Mary. Jeez.

Anyway, dude, I mean Ben, was cool and actually rolled by our table after giving us the bill and saying it was nice meeting us...yes, he wanted a nice tip, but I think it was still a good move. Cuz let me tell you this...if I had lost a HUGE endorsement deal and ended up having to serve loud ass hipsters I would be bitter. But that is just me. Brava to the Dell dude...he's a real sport. Man, I love Sunday brunch.

Moral of the story...do the AIDS Walk next year, you are bound to hall a ball!

*More heartwarming is the fact that I know some amazing people...amazing people that were kind enough to deal with my threatening e-mails and donate some serious scratch to the AIDS Walk. I heart you sumofabitches!

Trent Reznor: Bigger & Blacker

Last night my girl Aly Corn and I had a fucking ball at the Nine Inch Nails show at Hammerstein in the...yeah, what, mezzanine. To the left, to the right, now dip it. It was fucking awesome. And if I might be so bold I shall say that the set last night was better than...gasp...the set at Coachella.

First off this needs to be said: It is both frightening and alluring that Mr. Reznor is now cut as hell. I mean, I'm like scared but not. Someone got a Bally's membership for Christmas and is working that shit out. I'm totally into buying a ticket to that gunshow. Oh shut up! That shit was funny trick.

Oh, should l get to the music? Here we go...

I was beyond stoked by how varied the set was...mad shit off of Pretty Hate Machine that made me happy as hell and he worked the Broken EP...holla! Just in case you were wondering "Bite the Hands that Feeds" just came on in my office. One, two, three, four...now take it the ground. Man, I love this new album...seriously, it's like old Trent took a cup of Pretty Hate, some Broken, and little Downward Spiral and a sprig of "love" and made this fabulous and hearty stew of musical goodness. I heart that shit.

Trent and those boys played their little hearts out and all of us were really appreciative...and can I just take a moment to comment on how there was always an underlying groove going on. Seriously I was shaking it like I was at the clubs. Or maybe I was hearing some other shit in my head. Whatever, brotha can get down in it. Did you get that? That was for the kids that went to high school around 88-94. I know my demo son.

Other highlights:
*Seeing Tanya and Rob Mancini at the show...and having Tanya refer to Trent's new physique as being Glenn Danzig like from a distance. That was comedy. Slag is funny.
*My friend Aly for telling me stories about shooting NIN when they were on tour for the Fragile while we were at the show...she is the coolest person. She's never bragging, just telling an informative tale.
*Running into my friend Alex (he is foreign and his barely there accent makes me laugh) and my friend Dennis...who is just the best and gives the most loving hugs. That's my dawg right up in there. He is opening a new bar up this weekend in Astoria called "The Sparrow"...you need to represent!
*The NIN drummer (Jerome Dillion)...like I said before...he is on fire. Also, in case you were taking notes, there is nothing fiercer than a white boy named "Jerome". Holla black.
*The fact that Chris Rock was there is amusing...according to my friend Jess who read it on Gawker. That just makes me smile. If Dave Chappelle was not losing it and was there I would have TRIPPED.
*To get real "Queer Eye" on you...the lighting and staging were bad ass. Yes, that was really extra right there but I felt there needed to be some love given to the art director on that bitch.

In summation...sucks if you weren't there. It was a blast.

Ahhhh...mama is getting old and loving it

So last night Mr. Read and I went to Weezer @ the Roseland and because I'm uppity I made sure to get tickets in the mezzanine because:
A) I'm a wee trick, I can't see shit on the floor
B) Roseland has the WORST sound of any venue in the city but it sounds a touch better higher up
C) I can be a fucking snob when allowed...and when allowed I don't want to roll with the riff raff. Especially when I'm bound to get knocked the fuck into and I got gear on me. Ya heard?

That being said. Man, the mezz rules.

Last week we went to see Mars Volta from that vantage point and it was awesome, as expected. I mean, I could have been in a pigpen and I would have been stoked because I think the MV are the future...as simple as that. The show was self-indulgent and so long but they took it to 13 and were in it to win it so I was stoked...and I had two cocktails so I was cool. My point is this...would have been fine on the floor but the mezz was just right.

In the case of yesterday there is was no way I would have rocked the floor because it seemed like everyone at the show last night was like 12 or 24...whatever. Same thing to me. See I have realized that as I get older I really do need and want to be comfy at shows and when you involve a throng of youngsters the comfort level is just not going to be there...and that makes me sad. See and when that happens I need to remove myself from the masses. Some call it elistism, I call, ificanfuckingdoitiwillism. Let me continue...

See the show was fun, like really fun. The whole crowd was singing EVERY damn word of EVERY damn song and jumping up and down...I mean it was some Reading Festival shit. They did all the songs, "Say it Ain't So", the new joint, "Beverly Hills", "My Name is Jonas", shit they even started with my jam, "Tired of Sex". Rivers worked it out (as much as he could by barely moving at all during the set) and the kids were feeling it...like a midnight revival. Lord knows I love when the youth are pogoing and feeling the holy spirit...I do, that is not my point. Here it is...

I'm at that point where I like watching the fun and madness from a distance. The thought of being in the middle of a moving, breathing, bouncing crowd makes me itch. Don't get me wrong, I love to rawk like the next bitch but I need my space to do such, and lord help a fool if a bead of someone's sweat* touches me. Like, no you DIDN'T done. Yep, I'm getting old, and it's treating me well.

Back in the day I thought I was really cute. I was going to shows and getting all up in the front willing to get my skull cracked. Shit, did it for Korn a few times, dumb move, did it at the Garden for the Beasties in 94 and proceeded to get a boot in the back and bruise two ribs (what you know about that son?!). Plus a shitload of other times...but I ain't got the time to break it down about how I WAS that bouncing, sweaty mass. Now, I need a snack before the event and easy access to the loo and the bar. I have priorities, and they are now not to lose my hearing and/or get my ass seriously kicked.

I officially knew it was time to get the senior meal at Denny's (Grand Slam!) when Mr. Read and I were leaving the venue and I thought: Lord have mercy, it is all musty and damp down here and did that dude just take a swipe at my ass? Where is the exit? Be careful not to trip on that step? Doesn't that young lady need a sweater on? It's not that warm outside. Jeez. Ohmigod, it's only 10:30pm...we can get a drink in a place that isn't crowded. Yippee! Yep, that is what went though my mind. And then it was all reinforced with the Mr. turned and said, "We got about 10 years on this crowd." Yes, yes, we did. And it's fine I guess. Why?

Because we were in the mezzanine in sharp blazers, cute shoes that were NOT going to be scuffed and a hop, skip and a jump away from bathrooms that were mezzanine tidy. It was nice. Good times, good times.

*You can assume when another's sweat is allowed to be thrown into the equation. If don't know what I'm talking about you should not be allowed to be playing reindeer games any longer. Yes, I have no idea what that meant...it just sounded good at the jump.

Cute/Not Cute

Cute:

My adorable Marc Jacobs sling backs...I'm so glad that it's getting warmer so I can wear these shoes again. These fuckers cost about what I was paying in rent when I had a roommate and had no business buying fancy things. Man, those were the good old days. I missed you buddy...glad you are back on my feet.

Not Cute:

Finally rolling my ass out of bed at 9:35 this morning because I had that runaway slave exhaustion thing going on...like straight up Nat Turner up in the motherfucker. And then remembering that "it's that time of the month" which in turn led to a mindnumbing headache and sucker punch cramps. Yeah, about twenty odd more years of this. Oh and then menopause. Having a twat is just swell, no really, it is. Thank my personal Lord and Savior that I have my razor sharp wit and sweet ass to keep me going or I would call it all a wrap.

Shit.

Coachella 2005: More fun than you can shake a hipster at!

Yes, it has now been over a week since I have come back from the Coachella...and yes, alls y'alls know what went down, saw the pics, etc and blase, blase. But you have not gotten the rundown from Lil Erika and therefore you don't know shit. I ain't trying to be rude...just here to spread the word of the Lord and all that he loves. And old dude loves him the best damn music festival around...Coachella was bout it bout it! Can I get an amen? Okay, thanks, I appreciate it. Let's carry on...

As you know this was the year that mama felt the need to take it to 11 and by that I mean...CONDO! The Days Inn is sexy in it's own right but being in a gated community in a HUGE three bedroom condo with two decks and a pool and hot tub outside the door is sexier. Yer heard me? Yeah, son, don't hate the player, hate the game. The lovely TJ Brown, Shari Scorca, Erica Forstadt and her friend Sara Walker, picked me up from the Palm Springs International Airport on the evening of Friday, April 29th, we hit the A&W (old skoollllllll) and then got to the crib and bam! It was officially on! We all ran into the place like Pookie trying to get a hit off the glass dick...knocking into each other...frothing at the mouth...you know, acting like none of us had ever been raised in a homes. Really, it was tender.

That being said you can just assume that it took no time to get the swimwear on, fix some cocktails and hit the hot tub. Life, it's not that bad.

The next morning...yes, I will get to the music...but I need to set the stage bitches...got up and the clear blue sky and 70 degree weather was just screaming at me to get my cocoa brown haunches to the pool so I could get rid of this jaundicey thang I was rocking. Yellowish black folks are NOT cute. Don't kid yourself. As we were all lounging and lubed up (uh huh, I said lubed, needs to be said more, just like "persimmon" and "glockenspiel" needs to be rocked, but I digress) and being cute. Seriously, at the moment I realized I could be a lady that lunches. I'm even willing to get my master's in it from the New School if need be.

Okay...so after bullshitting and hanging for a good while (yes, we were in total vacation mode and were joking about skipping the event to just hang by the pool) we got into gear and left for the Polo Fields. Yes, this is not a festival for the riff raff daughters!

Of course we take a million pics before we get into TJ's car...like we are at camp or some shit...then hit the road. I'll skip the part where we got lost for 10 minutes even though this was my 4th time at the festival and just jump to the part where there was NO traffic and it took us a mere 30 minutes to get inside the joint from parking to standing in line. It was hot. Literally and figuratively. For real-real dough, it was about 20 degrees cooler than last year so like James Brown I had already gotten off on the good foot. Wut, holla black, wut, wut!

The minute I walked into the venue it was like...sigh...this is why I love live music...and this is why I love this place. Nothing but fun looking fools, shit is clean and grown-ups for days! Acres of well tended land, palm trees and the most gorgeous mountains in the background and honeychile don't get me started on them sunsets. Ah lord, that is some touching "On Golden Pond" shit up in thurr. AARP in the house!

Okay folks here come the highlights (and the very few low lights). Cue the music...Y'all ready for this?!

MUSIC HIGHLIGHTS

*Getting to the Rilo Kiley's set just in time to hear them do my favorite song, "I Never". Hand to chest. This song makes me believe in love, rainbows, unicorns and Patsy Cline rising from the dead. Truly sublime.

*The Secret Machines DESTROYING it...I mean taking names and numbers. I really, really lub their album but seeing them live I was like, um, nah dawg, the album got nothing on the live show. Do yourself a solid. See them do "First Wave Intact" and just try to act like your faith in rock has not been restored. Fist in air pumping towards the gods...Montell Jordan once said this is how we do it and yes sir, he was correct!

*Dancing at 2pm with my crew to Diplo in the Sahara tent. It was like Dance Party USA up in that motherfucker...and I mean that in the best way. Despite the heat and the fact that fools were staring at Diplo like he was supposed to pull a rabbit out of his scrotum while spinning I had a BLASSSSSSSSSSSSSSST! Honeychile we tore it up! And let me take a moment to give a shout out to the industrial kids that were clearly there to see NIN later that night that came all out in the light of the day and were shaking it too. We are the world. Shit. Also, another shout out to the wee lass that was doing runway walking/dancing and the sassy anorexic boy that took it to another level with style and paniche. Just picture it...septum ring, red baseball cap, tight pink tee, and bandana tied in a jaunty fashion around the neck. People were having FUN!

*M.I.A. for keeping the booty shaking going. I have already professed my love for the refugee before. She continues to bring it. And she dates Diplo. He is cute and my new favorite DJ. They are an intimidatingly cool couple. I totally want to hang with them and supplement my coolness. You really can never have enough cool.

*Futureheads for being so goddamn humble and happy to play Coachella. They said this was the first time they had played a mainstage at a festival. Yes, I was touched. Oh, and they did "Hounds of Love", the Kate Bush song, I heart that jazz. They seemed like some cool cats and they had a blast. See, this place is full of love!

*I finall got to see Arcade Fire. Unfortunately the lead singer's mic was fucked up in the beginning and the wind during their set really mucked up the sound but they soldiered on and I was proud. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Canada! The crowd was all about these Canucks like a fat kid is about Ho-Ho's and they fed off of it. The percussionists climbed the lighting rig and used that as an instrument. It was cool. Why? Cause I'm simple and I like to watch mammals climb. Shit, I can watch monkeys for days...

*NIN...the return of the mighty Michael Trent Reznor. Rehab will even out a brotha. Damn. Trent and his crew sounded soooooooooooo good. The old songs sounded fresh and the new songs had my attention too...got the new album...LOVE IT! For real, son is down with some heavy grooves. Rumor is TR is down with the chocolate bunnies...I can tell. Work it out daddy. Oh, special moment: When Trent busted out the tamborine during one song and my girl Shari turns to me and says, "He is on some Mama's and Papa's shit there!" Yeah, he took it there. Another shout...to his drummer...dude was playing for his supper. To the left, to the right, now dip. Awesome.

*I'll let you know, not a huge Bauhaus fan, but I do respect it as a) a German art movement and b) a band. That being said I was like they are legends and I'm going to peep this..and my bud JBrown couldn't make it to the show, was a goth gal, and therefore it was a living tribute to old girl. On that note...holy fucking shit. You want to know what gangsta is? Being Peter Murphy and coming from the night sky hanging upside down from a rope and singing "Bela Lugosi is Dead" that way the whole gothtastic time. That IS hip-hop...not a rock show kids.

THE ONLY MUSICAL WACKNESS

*Wow, could Coldplay put me more to fucking sleep? Hey Chris Martin, why don't work on that Free Trade stuff and leave me in peace. Yes, I do own their albums but for real, I rather open a bottle of Riesling and listen to them in the comfort of my own home. I feel like a real jackass because I skipped the Chemical Brothers and Fantomas sets to see Coldplay because I had never seen them before...stupid. Moral of the story, got with you gut kids...if you do you most likely will getting your block rockin beats on and that is always a good feeling.

*The fact that the Bloc Party, Secret Machines and M.I.A. were in the small ass tents. I got nothing but love for the promotors, bookers, schedulers, all them heads at the Coachella but come on y'all...smell the hype! You know they needed more space. Well I look at it this way...made everything seem bigger and dramatic with such a small space. Did that make sense? Whatever. I just shake my head...

BACK TO THE OTHER GOOD STUFF

*The lemonade drank that Shari let me lap from...sugary goodness!
*The two Churros I inhaled...again, I love Mexicans.
*The little girl with the big old pink headphone jamming out with her mommy during the Futureheads set. I will one day breed babies that will attend concerts right out of the womb. The children, they are our future.
*Shit on that note...all the parents that brought their kids out...seriously the kids might not appreciate it now, but that is fucking rad. Make sure not to put the rents in a fucked up retirement village kids...they made sure you had the rock so give them their dues! Oh shit, I got political about the state of older Americans up in this bitch.
*The people there...so fucking cool. It's as simple as that. Also, the staff that works there...really decent folks that make life easy and fun while you are there. Oh and a lot of love for the security guard that just laughed at me when I opened my backpack for him to search...he just told me to head on inside and have a good time. I really do enjoy being wee and non-threatening looking. It saves me a lot of time.
*God...for making sure it took us NO time to get in on Sunday...I mean NO line when we showed up...the Lord does like Diplo and wanted to make sure we didn't miss his set. Oh and for him to make the weather gorgeous and bearable...good looking out dawg.
*Shari Scorca for coming up with the term "nigavidual"...you had to be there. Oh, this lead to the name "Niggaletta Sheridan". You call it racism, I call it hilarity. I'm black, I can say that. Suckit.
*Erica Forstadt for overcoming an obstacle (that I will not mention in the blog so as not to shame her) and coming back a champ. That was some triumph of the will shit right there!
*TJ Brown for being TJ Brown and that always makes me smile. Also for getting up at 6:30 on in the am on Monday to drive me the airport. Dang, that is family stuff.
*Sara Walker for being quick on the draw and sending us pics first thing on Tuesday morning when we got back. Fresh.
*My lovely friend Alison Tarnofsky for getting me a VIP Lounge bracelet. I almost used it for evil. When I was chilling there, listening to New Order, and eating my 90th meal of the day I was tempted to jump Conor Oberst from Bright Eyes and kick his ass just for shits and giggles when he walked past me...kinda like a White Stripes vs. Von Bondies thing, except me not being in a band vibe. Alas I did not because Nick Zinner from the Yeah cubed was following him like a puppy and looked fragile, malnourished and sad...he was rocking a brittle bone look. The violence would have messed him up and I didn't want that on my conscience.
*The cute t-shirt I got...it's REALLY cute and me teets look nice in it and that is all that really matters.
*The dedication of the goth and industrial communities gets a big old high five...you know how they love high fives and being jokey and fun loving and shit! The folks that came out to see Trent and Bauhaus had the hearts of motherfucking champions. You have not seen commitment until you see people that have not let their bodies feel the warm embrace of the sun in years, in head to toe black (we had some veils here) hit the desert in full force. It was truly touching.
*Multi-culti is the new indie rock. There were a mad amount of colored folks there this year...I mean straight up Bennetton ad flava. That is sexy.

All in all it was an amazingly great weekend with some cool ass heads. I'm so proud that I was there to help Shari, TJ, Erica and Sara pop their Coachella cherries. Like Sade once said, it's never as good as the first time. Bitch, you is so right.

See ya next year!

I have so been forsaken

Okay...let me first off start off by saying that I'm sorry. I'm sorry that it took me so long to post this indictment of the April 13th Duran Duran show at Madison Square Garden but if you had been there you would have seen what a FUCKING travesty it was and why I needed to take a moment to just reflect.

Let's start at the beginning...

Months ago TA and I saw that the Double D were playing and we got all in a tizzy. I mean, the thought of seeing John Taylor stage left in all of his bass glory was almost too much to take. For a few minutes I lost the feeling on my right side but it came back when I realized that seeing DD crippled would not that fun. So we went on-line to see about getting tickets and like suspected, the only one's left were like in fucking Guam...and I didn't want to be in a goddamn half-assed U.S. territory to see them.

This is when the sassy Ms. Erica Forstadt comes into the picture...

So old girl is like, what up homes, my brother can bring the pain cause he works with Radio City Hall and MSG and can lock down some fresh tickets. Okay, she didn't just like that but close...I might have missed a "fresh" or a "word". You know how those city kids speak. I was raised all suburban stylee and therefore quite proper. Don't act like you don't know how a niglet from Santa Cruz rolls daughter. Wut, wut!

Next thing you know we have in our hands section 95 tickets and all moist with giddiness at know how close were were to be to John and the boys...yeah, fuck the rest of them, they are not as cute and you know that ugly people should be drowned. Not saying anything new here.

The day of the show the tricks and I are were ret to go and just working out an imaginary set list of the magic that would be sprinkled among the fortunate thousands that were to attend that sold out show. It was to be a night to remember...and living monument of the 80's as it were.

Well that was blown to hell real quick...

We get to MSG and of course it was overrun with middle ages wives just tripping...and I mean TRIPPING. I was excited but I was not that xtra...yeah, I can't even bring myself to put an "e" in that bitch cause it was like that. In front of us was a dude with his two transsexual girlfriends and a drunk ass broad that was making a fool of not only herself but her family that was not even there but probably heard about it the next day from her friend that was with her. For real, it went from amusing to sad in about 2.2 seconds. About the amount of time it took me to fall out of love with the DD...

And you want to know how the love was lost? Those fuckers came out and...PLAYED A GODDAMN NEW SONG! You heard me...a motherfucking new song. You are Duran squared...I'm there for the hits not new songs. Erica, TA and I looked at each other and were stunned. How you going to not feed me some "Hungry Like a Wolf" (you get that?!) when I done paid $90 and you know what I want. Oh, but it gets better. Instead of the mutiny that should have happened the crowd is singing along to ALL the words. Uh, you are 80's icons...come out with the hits. Shyyyyyyyyt.

Oh but then it didn't just end there...

These Charlatans (not the UK) that claimed they were Duran had the the gall to do like an old song, then like 45 new songs and then...are you sitting down? Chubby ass Simon Le Bon opens his mouth and in all seriousness says, "This song is about the war and what is going on now..." Huh? Is that a buzzing in my ear or did you, Mr. Decedent 80's, Mr. I did blow off of models asses why visiting terminally ill children in hospitals (I'm sure that had to have happened once or twice), Mr. I WAS MTV is talking to me about war? Eat a dick cousin. That shit is wack. Want to know what you job is? To sing "Rio" just like it is supposed to be done and talk about shit like Doritos, Weird Science and whatever bands like you talk about. Jeez! Oh and at this point I'm really about to trip! When they did MY FAVORITE song, "Notorious", they decided to throw in "We Are Family" into it. If I wanted to see or hear Sister Sledge I would go to the Sacramento Community Center Night of a 1000 stars...but I didn't, so don't fuck with perfection. Goddammit that made me so mad. In all honesty at that point I was so disgusted for the lack of respect of doing WHAT I WANTED they could have brought out Gael Garcia Bernal and I would still have been pissed. Nah dawg, I'm lying. That would have made me feel better. Anyway they didn't so they get gas face.

So you know what happened next? We bounced. Yeah, I said it, we bizounced. I'm too old to be toyed with and the DD will be the last band that I need to see work out new material and be thought provoking. I get my news from the BBC, I don't need it from you. Back in the day I would kept my ass there and got my money's worth but being in a better tax bracket will make you do some crazy shit...like leave.

Moral of the story:
Erica is rad for getting us just great seats...but I blame her also for us being so close that we saw a great 80's outfit collapse in front of us. I mean for Heaven's sake...Simon did a leap off the drum riser and looked like he was going to take a header, and a high kick is really not cute. Even Diamond Dave quit that shit. Oh, and to see John Taylor get on his knees to play one song was not fancy...it looked like his joints were acting up. Shake of the head, shake of the head...

Hey, but the evening was not lost. Went to TA's after we bailed and watched the ANTM where Tyra lost her shit. Aw chile...that was some entertainment...my mama never yelled at me like that, I was scurred!

And end of very angry scene.

The bar has been raised...

So just when I thought I was a funny bitch my friend Artie sends me the link to this blog and I realized that it has really been brougten.

http://angryblackbitch.blogspot.com

Yeah, my feeling are hurt because of how good this shit it. You better represent Angry Black Bitch! I mean if a niglet can't give some support to another colored gal that is bringing the fire and brimstone then I don't even want to be breathing.

In summation...tiny dancer here flips it and reverses and for that I say bravo.

Oh...and I will be posting my Coachella commentary shortly. We took that shit to 11 sons!