Coachella 2005: More fun than you can shake a hipster at!

Yes, it has now been over a week since I have come back from the Coachella...and yes, alls y'alls know what went down, saw the pics, etc and blase, blase. But you have not gotten the rundown from Lil Erika and therefore you don't know shit. I ain't trying to be rude...just here to spread the word of the Lord and all that he loves. And old dude loves him the best damn music festival around...Coachella was bout it bout it! Can I get an amen? Okay, thanks, I appreciate it. Let's carry on...

As you know this was the year that mama felt the need to take it to 11 and by that I mean...CONDO! The Days Inn is sexy in it's own right but being in a gated community in a HUGE three bedroom condo with two decks and a pool and hot tub outside the door is sexier. Yer heard me? Yeah, son, don't hate the player, hate the game. The lovely TJ Brown, Shari Scorca, Erica Forstadt and her friend Sara Walker, picked me up from the Palm Springs International Airport on the evening of Friday, April 29th, we hit the A&W (old skoollllllll) and then got to the crib and bam! It was officially on! We all ran into the place like Pookie trying to get a hit off the glass dick...knocking into each other...frothing at the mouth...you know, acting like none of us had ever been raised in a homes. Really, it was tender.

That being said you can just assume that it took no time to get the swimwear on, fix some cocktails and hit the hot tub. Life, it's not that bad.

The next morning...yes, I will get to the music...but I need to set the stage bitches...got up and the clear blue sky and 70 degree weather was just screaming at me to get my cocoa brown haunches to the pool so I could get rid of this jaundicey thang I was rocking. Yellowish black folks are NOT cute. Don't kid yourself. As we were all lounging and lubed up (uh huh, I said lubed, needs to be said more, just like "persimmon" and "glockenspiel" needs to be rocked, but I digress) and being cute. Seriously, at the moment I realized I could be a lady that lunches. I'm even willing to get my master's in it from the New School if need be.

Okay...so after bullshitting and hanging for a good while (yes, we were in total vacation mode and were joking about skipping the event to just hang by the pool) we got into gear and left for the Polo Fields. Yes, this is not a festival for the riff raff daughters!

Of course we take a million pics before we get into TJ's car...like we are at camp or some shit...then hit the road. I'll skip the part where we got lost for 10 minutes even though this was my 4th time at the festival and just jump to the part where there was NO traffic and it took us a mere 30 minutes to get inside the joint from parking to standing in line. It was hot. Literally and figuratively. For real-real dough, it was about 20 degrees cooler than last year so like James Brown I had already gotten off on the good foot. Wut, holla black, wut, wut!

The minute I walked into the venue it was like...sigh...this is why I love live music...and this is why I love this place. Nothing but fun looking fools, shit is clean and grown-ups for days! Acres of well tended land, palm trees and the most gorgeous mountains in the background and honeychile don't get me started on them sunsets. Ah lord, that is some touching "On Golden Pond" shit up in thurr. AARP in the house!

Okay folks here come the highlights (and the very few low lights). Cue the music...Y'all ready for this?!

MUSIC HIGHLIGHTS

*Getting to the Rilo Kiley's set just in time to hear them do my favorite song, "I Never". Hand to chest. This song makes me believe in love, rainbows, unicorns and Patsy Cline rising from the dead. Truly sublime.

*The Secret Machines DESTROYING it...I mean taking names and numbers. I really, really lub their album but seeing them live I was like, um, nah dawg, the album got nothing on the live show. Do yourself a solid. See them do "First Wave Intact" and just try to act like your faith in rock has not been restored. Fist in air pumping towards the gods...Montell Jordan once said this is how we do it and yes sir, he was correct!

*Dancing at 2pm with my crew to Diplo in the Sahara tent. It was like Dance Party USA up in that motherfucker...and I mean that in the best way. Despite the heat and the fact that fools were staring at Diplo like he was supposed to pull a rabbit out of his scrotum while spinning I had a BLASSSSSSSSSSSSSSST! Honeychile we tore it up! And let me take a moment to give a shout out to the industrial kids that were clearly there to see NIN later that night that came all out in the light of the day and were shaking it too. We are the world. Shit. Also, another shout out to the wee lass that was doing runway walking/dancing and the sassy anorexic boy that took it to another level with style and paniche. Just picture it...septum ring, red baseball cap, tight pink tee, and bandana tied in a jaunty fashion around the neck. People were having FUN!

*M.I.A. for keeping the booty shaking going. I have already professed my love for the refugee before. She continues to bring it. And she dates Diplo. He is cute and my new favorite DJ. They are an intimidatingly cool couple. I totally want to hang with them and supplement my coolness. You really can never have enough cool.

*Futureheads for being so goddamn humble and happy to play Coachella. They said this was the first time they had played a mainstage at a festival. Yes, I was touched. Oh, and they did "Hounds of Love", the Kate Bush song, I heart that jazz. They seemed like some cool cats and they had a blast. See, this place is full of love!

*I finall got to see Arcade Fire. Unfortunately the lead singer's mic was fucked up in the beginning and the wind during their set really mucked up the sound but they soldiered on and I was proud. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Canada! The crowd was all about these Canucks like a fat kid is about Ho-Ho's and they fed off of it. The percussionists climbed the lighting rig and used that as an instrument. It was cool. Why? Cause I'm simple and I like to watch mammals climb. Shit, I can watch monkeys for days...

*NIN...the return of the mighty Michael Trent Reznor. Rehab will even out a brotha. Damn. Trent and his crew sounded soooooooooooo good. The old songs sounded fresh and the new songs had my attention too...got the new album...LOVE IT! For real, son is down with some heavy grooves. Rumor is TR is down with the chocolate bunnies...I can tell. Work it out daddy. Oh, special moment: When Trent busted out the tamborine during one song and my girl Shari turns to me and says, "He is on some Mama's and Papa's shit there!" Yeah, he took it there. Another shout...to his drummer...dude was playing for his supper. To the left, to the right, now dip. Awesome.

*I'll let you know, not a huge Bauhaus fan, but I do respect it as a) a German art movement and b) a band. That being said I was like they are legends and I'm going to peep this..and my bud JBrown couldn't make it to the show, was a goth gal, and therefore it was a living tribute to old girl. On that note...holy fucking shit. You want to know what gangsta is? Being Peter Murphy and coming from the night sky hanging upside down from a rope and singing "Bela Lugosi is Dead" that way the whole gothtastic time. That IS hip-hop...not a rock show kids.

THE ONLY MUSICAL WACKNESS

*Wow, could Coldplay put me more to fucking sleep? Hey Chris Martin, why don't work on that Free Trade stuff and leave me in peace. Yes, I do own their albums but for real, I rather open a bottle of Riesling and listen to them in the comfort of my own home. I feel like a real jackass because I skipped the Chemical Brothers and Fantomas sets to see Coldplay because I had never seen them before...stupid. Moral of the story, got with you gut kids...if you do you most likely will getting your block rockin beats on and that is always a good feeling.

*The fact that the Bloc Party, Secret Machines and M.I.A. were in the small ass tents. I got nothing but love for the promotors, bookers, schedulers, all them heads at the Coachella but come on y'all...smell the hype! You know they needed more space. Well I look at it this way...made everything seem bigger and dramatic with such a small space. Did that make sense? Whatever. I just shake my head...

BACK TO THE OTHER GOOD STUFF

*The lemonade drank that Shari let me lap from...sugary goodness!
*The two Churros I inhaled...again, I love Mexicans.
*The little girl with the big old pink headphone jamming out with her mommy during the Futureheads set. I will one day breed babies that will attend concerts right out of the womb. The children, they are our future.
*Shit on that note...all the parents that brought their kids out...seriously the kids might not appreciate it now, but that is fucking rad. Make sure not to put the rents in a fucked up retirement village kids...they made sure you had the rock so give them their dues! Oh shit, I got political about the state of older Americans up in this bitch.
*The people there...so fucking cool. It's as simple as that. Also, the staff that works there...really decent folks that make life easy and fun while you are there. Oh and a lot of love for the security guard that just laughed at me when I opened my backpack for him to search...he just told me to head on inside and have a good time. I really do enjoy being wee and non-threatening looking. It saves me a lot of time.
*God...for making sure it took us NO time to get in on Sunday...I mean NO line when we showed up...the Lord does like Diplo and wanted to make sure we didn't miss his set. Oh and for him to make the weather gorgeous and bearable...good looking out dawg.
*Shari Scorca for coming up with the term "nigavidual"...you had to be there. Oh, this lead to the name "Niggaletta Sheridan". You call it racism, I call it hilarity. I'm black, I can say that. Suckit.
*Erica Forstadt for overcoming an obstacle (that I will not mention in the blog so as not to shame her) and coming back a champ. That was some triumph of the will shit right there!
*TJ Brown for being TJ Brown and that always makes me smile. Also for getting up at 6:30 on in the am on Monday to drive me the airport. Dang, that is family stuff.
*Sara Walker for being quick on the draw and sending us pics first thing on Tuesday morning when we got back. Fresh.
*My lovely friend Alison Tarnofsky for getting me a VIP Lounge bracelet. I almost used it for evil. When I was chilling there, listening to New Order, and eating my 90th meal of the day I was tempted to jump Conor Oberst from Bright Eyes and kick his ass just for shits and giggles when he walked past me...kinda like a White Stripes vs. Von Bondies thing, except me not being in a band vibe. Alas I did not because Nick Zinner from the Yeah cubed was following him like a puppy and looked fragile, malnourished and sad...he was rocking a brittle bone look. The violence would have messed him up and I didn't want that on my conscience.
*The cute t-shirt I got...it's REALLY cute and me teets look nice in it and that is all that really matters.
*The dedication of the goth and industrial communities gets a big old high five...you know how they love high fives and being jokey and fun loving and shit! The folks that came out to see Trent and Bauhaus had the hearts of motherfucking champions. You have not seen commitment until you see people that have not let their bodies feel the warm embrace of the sun in years, in head to toe black (we had some veils here) hit the desert in full force. It was truly touching.
*Multi-culti is the new indie rock. There were a mad amount of colored folks there this year...I mean straight up Bennetton ad flava. That is sexy.

All in all it was an amazingly great weekend with some cool ass heads. I'm so proud that I was there to help Shari, TJ, Erica and Sara pop their Coachella cherries. Like Sade once said, it's never as good as the first time. Bitch, you is so right.

See ya next year!