Dude, you are doing the AIDS Walk!

Okay, this pithy little title might not make sense right now...but my children, oh, it will come full circle, oh yes, yes it will.

Let me break you off some...

Yes, it has been over a week and I am now FINALLY breaking down of the 20th annual AIDS Walk New York but guess what? I raised $1,250 dollar for this cause that has effected each and every person in this world and I can take my sweet time getting to it...oh, and sometimes I can be quite lazy. Head bowed down. Sorry y'all.

Last Sunday, my girl Adrienne and I got our asses up at stupid o'clock (Ad-Rock told me that on the subway and it made me giggle like a little girl, she is sooooooooo funny) and met up in Central Park to work out our athletic kicks for 6.2 miles.

Let me start off by saying it was really heartwarming*, and I'm being real here, cause you know I bleed sarcasm, I mean really heartwarming seeing how many people came out to do the AIDS walk and how many really young heads were there. There were a lot of kids out there that might have the image of being the activist, pro-social, carrying a banner for a cause kids but they were there and I was like shit, those motherfuckers are the future and I might not be too scared now that I rolling with some of them on Riverside Drive. Speaking of Riverside Drive...hell, that is lovely area, all in that uptown world. As you know mama lives in Brooklyn and I do get lightheaded when I'm above 42nd Street (actually 14th, but since I work in fucking Times Squares I have adjusted to that altitude...like Macchu Pichu but worse...those tourist are really making that area unbearable, but that is neither here nor there) so I am rarely uptown.

Besides the greenery and whatnot let me breakdown the two major highlights:

1) One of the greatest, greatest, greatest things EVER was seeing the Gay and Lesbian Marching Band at mile 1 or so jamming on the one to entertain us walkers. As Adrienne and I were approaching them it was a beacon of light came forth when we saw this statuesque BLACK (yeah I capped it because he BROUGHT it) man in a skintight white leotard doing a baton routine. Um yes, I said leotard and a baton. It was what I like call...awesome. Now, just when you think it can't get more awesome, because, there is always a wall you hit in being rad, that wall was brought down when three young men came out in black leotards...you get it, ebony and ivory...touching...get into formation and the band busts out into...."Crazy In Love". It.was.on.fire. at that point. Everyone that was walking past, stopped, got their cameras out and started taking pictures like we were witnessing monkeys shitting diamonds. Yeah, I know, that made no sense, but I still liked it.

2) The snacks that were distributed along the 6 miles I love snack...really, I love that shit. Life should be about music and snacks if you ask me. Oh, and humping. That is important too. But before I go on a tangent about that you must know about the goodies. We got:

Oranges
Fancy Iced Tea
Peanuts
Pretzels
Ice cream (WUT! WUT!)
That fruit leather stuff...like fruit roll-ups

...and probably some other stuff but I was really amped by the fresh orange slices and cute containers of ice cream!

For real, my dogs were barking but it was a damn blast and I felt like a giver...and that is always fun. But giving can take the life out of you so as result one needs to re-fuel. And by re-fueling I mean going to Essex to have grub and me-mosas. Okay, we are getting to the title line now...

Lil Adrienne and I get to the Essex after doing more in a few hours than most people do all day (can you tell we were feeling ourselves?), get seated when the lovely Jessica Leigh Brown joined us, and guess who the fuck our waiter is? Here we go...the young chap that used to the "Dude, you are getting a Dell!" commercials...the same one that got canned after he was busted for pot possession by the Po-Po in Washington Square Park! Um yeah, I was straight up WTF son?! It took everything in my soul not to start laughing when he announced he was our waiter and asked if we wanted drinks...I wanted to ask if I could more memory on my Dell at home but I thought that might be a little extra. So instead I waited for him to leave the table, grabbed Jess' arm and have her confirm my ID and I instantly started texting heads and called my dear Jason Black so I could tell him about my E list celebrity sighting. Reason number 348 for me loving Jason...he always cares about the most ridiculous shit that no one else would care about...thank Jesus Jess was with me cause she is pretty much the only other person that cared...oh and Tanya Mancini...she thought that shit was a hoot too. But I digress, again...

Ben, that is Dell dude's name, was a good old waiter and god bless him, a nice guy...with a sweet pair of Hugo Boss pants on...kid was styling. Jason was luckily in the nabe and came to have some dranks with us and make comments about Dell dude. I mean what is better than having booze and discuss the fall of a young thespian from grace? Nothing. Well, fresh baked cookies is kinda good too. I have to say my little heart broke a touch when I saw a table near us grab him and I think bring the"Dell" thing up...I was like shit y'all, let the brotha have little dignity, he knows he's the "Dell" guy, he remembers it everytime he has to bring your ass a Bloody fucking Mary. Jeez.

Anyway, dude, I mean Ben, was cool and actually rolled by our table after giving us the bill and saying it was nice meeting us...yes, he wanted a nice tip, but I think it was still a good move. Cuz let me tell you this...if I had lost a HUGE endorsement deal and ended up having to serve loud ass hipsters I would be bitter. But that is just me. Brava to the Dell dude...he's a real sport. Man, I love Sunday brunch.

Moral of the story...do the AIDS Walk next year, you are bound to hall a ball!

*More heartwarming is the fact that I know some amazing people...amazing people that were kind enough to deal with my threatening e-mails and donate some serious scratch to the AIDS Walk. I heart you sumofabitches!