Let me tell you how to make me cry on a Friday

1) Tell me that my girl Nik from "America's Next Top Model" is the next girl to get the cut. That bitch could make butter melt, she is that hot.

2) Play Jeff Buckley's "I Shall be Released" Live @ Sin-e on Kexp.org at this moment.

For real, that is not funny. It's been 8 years since he died (I hate using euphemisms for death...dude, it's a wrap...let's call it what it is and not sugar coat it for the living, but I digress) and I'm still not okay with it. And yes, I know you think I'm being cute but I'm not, I'm serious here. I remember it like it was yesterday when I bought Grace along with Portishead's Dummy in some dank record store on Bleeker, or one of those other hideous streets in the Village, and headed back to my dorm, Rubin, if you want to know (NYU, wut?!) and played the shit out it. 1994 was a good year.

Moral of story...

He was hot, talented, hot, had a beautiful voice, hot and is greatly missed.

Sigh.

http://kexp.org/playlist/buymusic.asp?refer=playlist&PlayID=595310

I'm officially old...

...and let me tell you why.

Cause I just found out that the band that I was posed to see tonight doesn't go on until midnight and my first thought was hell to the no.

No thang for me, I'm going to go shopping for fall shoes, used CD's, get some food from Cambodian Cuisine in Fort Greene and then head my black ass home and get my DVR on.

Today was a good day.

Not sure if Planned Parenthood is going to jump on this one...

Check it...Brother Bennett is working some Third Reich shit out...damb.

http://www.cnn.com/2005/POLITICS/09/30/bennett.comments/index.html

Let the countdown begin...

...until the release of Fiona Apple's LONG ass awaited third album, "Extraordinary Machine"... October 4th fools.

Show em what you working with ma!

Lost causes anxiety

Okay...I can't take it. It's been only two weeks since the second season of Lost has premiered and it has caused irreversible havoc on my nervous system. At this point I'm pretty sure that I have a sweet class action lawsuit on my hands for cruel and unusual punishment and I can make some bank.

Let me bring it.

See, when I was watching the first season on DVD I was able to just embrace ALL 24 episodes back to back...on my watch, in my world, in my jammers, it was that simple. Now it is all been shot to kingdom come.

How.in.the.hell am I supposed to sit in front of my TV week to week and have to deal with a barrage of dramatic escapades, have my nerves put on edge and then BAM--have the show end with nothing resolved and more things to worry about for next week. You hear me? I have to wait SEVEN LONG days to see what is going to go down and I can't take it!

Will Jin get his ass kicked in some xenophophic melee? Will Walt get his wee man parts touched by some islandbillies? Is Locke going to fall out on them weird legs of his while trying to get Rambo on someone's ass? Could Sawyer get any hotter--even will pulling a bullet out of his arm? And will someone finally figure out that Michelle Rodriguez is a man when she shows up on this new season?

I need some answers, and I need them now. For real, I'm not scared of taking a handicapped hostage that has sickle cell. Just try and test me. I want someone to help me through this.

No matter what I'm straight up like a battered wife. It doesn't matter how much damage and stress this show causes me...I'm still coming back, time after time. Why? Cause I know it does this to me because it loves me.

It has been broughten!

This is like fierce to the nth degree.

Brought to you by the lovely folks at PopBitch:

Bring It On: Extreme
Dance troupes lose sissy tag Kansas dance troupe The Dynamic Steppers were recently challenged to an impromptu dance-off by a rival group, the White Tigers. When the challengers appeared to be losing, a woman hit a 17-year-old Dynamic Steppers drummer in the face with a drumstick. His response was to punch her in the face, then climb into his car and try to run over spectators.

(Ed. Note: And this is my favorite part...get ready!)

His mother, a Dynamic Steppers coach, witnessed
the altercation. Her response? She grabbed a
box cutter and sliced the other woman's arm,
leaving her needing stitches. Bring it!

The Return of the Kate Bush

Let me say this right now. The first cassette I ever bought from that wonderful scam, Columbia House, was Kate Bush's "The Sensual World"...and I loved it.

From that day on in the year of 1990 I have been a fan so it comes with great pleasure for me to say that her first single in over 12 years, "King of the Mountain" is available on-line. And lord have mercy it is pretty good. It was just played on the mother of all stations...kexp.org and you can purchase it on their site...hell, roll back the archives and you can take a listen to it now.

Kate, I've missed your gurl, welcome the hell back.

http://kexp.org/playlist/buymusic.asp?refer=playlist&PlayID=594523

The next phrase that will blow up...in my head that is

Kool and the Gang Bang...don't tell me that doesn't just roll off the tongue. Heads will be all like, "Erika how you livin'?" and I'll be all, "Kool and the Gang Bang son".

Yeah, don't be mad cause you didn't rock that shit first.

I think I might need to copyright it soon. Don't even think of trying to steal my juice.

Oh Kathy Griffin you slay me!

My sick ass (can I get one more illness to break my will to live, please?!) just got back from LA where Kathy Griffin hosted an awards ceremony I attended...that was ghetto as hell and a hot mess...but she KILLED IT and made it all worth it!

As you probably already know there are a handful of things that I'm absolutely obsessed with at the moment and two of those things are "Lost" and Kathy Griffin. Years ago I thought the trick was the most annoying thing since Herve Villechaize on coke (partying with him in the 80's was a chore, trust me) but since getting sucked into "My Life on the D-List" I'm a disciple of hers...it is that deep.

Anyway, I'm at this awards show (which hardly anyone attended), schlepping around a beat ass swag bag (man, I sound like an ingrate, right?) and my girl comes out guns blazing with rounds of funny. You like that right there? Rounds of funny...it's scary how this shit just comes to me. Like God is speaking through me or something...or at least Charles Bronson. So check it, this is an awards ceremony for women in the media and she comes out talking about it's all about the bitches tonight and we are going to carry torches around and castrate all the men...and you know that is always funny. That and one-legged pygmies, that always slays me son.

Okay, so the best part of the evening, and you might have to have been there but I will continue, was when old girl is reading the nominees for best clit news special or something and they are rolling a clip about this one woman that is mad accomplished AND autistic. So KG says what everyone is thinking under her breath into the mic, "Oh shit..." Yeah, that was what was rolling through my mind mama.

So here we go...I flew out for this thing on a Monday morning and flew back Tuesday morning but it was worth it for the magic known as the Kathy Griffin. Curtsey. Love that bitch.

Um, and I want to hope it is a terrible, terrible joke that her and her husband Matt are getting divorced. If you ever watched her reality show you would know that was some funny and sweet love...I mean she said she loved him so much that there needed to be a restraining order put on her. That is strong. I have to say, making him hang with her "gays", watch "Project Runway" and go shopping with her all the time had to take a toil.

I got to remember that shit when I want Mr. Read to watch "America's Next Top Model" with me and engage me in the works of Tyra Banks. That can turn on your ass right quick.

Why the fuck...

...do I have all this extra space at the top of my blog? If someone can tell me that I would really appreciate it.

Like anyone cares trick

I never liked Taryn Manning, actually I think she is a hack actress...don't get me started on that abysmal "Hustle & Flow"...now though it is completely a wrap. Check what lil' miss thespian had to say about being on the JetBlue flight that had to do an emergency landing...which was pretty damn gangsta is I might be so bold to add. (From the Post)

One passenger said the experience will make her better at her craft.
"I can pull from this experience, the pain and the fear," said actress Taryn Manning, star of the summer movie "Hustle & Flow."
"I was terrified. I mean, I was really terrified."

She is fucking retarded. And I mean that in a developmentally disabled way, not a down with the syndrome way so don't get it twisted.

I have seen the light...

...and that light is called Lost.

When this show first came on I was like um, okay, maybe I will watch an episode...but I didn't. And I don't know why.

Maybe it's cause America's Next Top Model was on around that time and nothing could interfere with that. Or maybe it was during the time I was teaching illiterate one-legged Laotians how to read (cause I'm a giver). Most likely it was cause the wonderful DVR had yet to come into my empty, empty life. Regardless thank sweet baby Jesus I got the first season on DVD and watched ALL 24 episodes in about 72 hours...cause that shit is the hotness.

I cannot begin to tell you how obsessed I am with this fine, fine piece of television. It is a smart, Twins Peakian (not as odd) drama that needs to be adored. If I could marry this show I would, it is that good.

Now maybe I'm super into it cause I watched it in a huge chunk...very crack addict behavior on my part...but I couldn't take it slow, that shit was calling me. I did the same thing with the L-Word but that show's second season disappointed me....still makes me said. Lord have mercy on my soul and let my unconditional love for the Lost continue during it's season premiere tonight and the entire season. Amen.

Honeychile, the characters are deep...the flashbacks about their lives before they ended up stranded on this fucked island are fleshed out and they shot one of the most awesomest "plane being ripped apart" sequences ever! Do I know I sound a little crazy here? Yes. Do I care. Not really. That is called love folks and I'm not trying to mask it. Not for you, not for society, no one! (Picture me screaming this at the top of my lungs while standing on top of a desk...it really is powerful.)

So this is how I'm going to wrap it up...

Get the DVDs...DVR the show...watch the DVDs and when you get caught up check into the new season. It will make you feel complete.

Good night and god speed.

Danny Bonaduce: A Wonderful Mess

As you know I love a good train wreck...like most judgemental folks...so you can deduce that the new VH1 reality show, Breaking Bonaduce, has me colored pink!

Let me break it down...

When I first saw the promos for this show I was like, um, yeah, this is going to be a real "winner". Who the fuck is going to watch a show about some has been ex-child star that was a drug addict and alcoholic...we know how that story is going to end. That being said, I was wrong as hell...as wrong as when I thought Radiohead was going to be a one-hit wonder back in the day...bad call on my part. Whatever, I still like to consider myself a tastermaker so suckit.

Oh yeah, so the Bonaduce...that shit is RIV.ET.TING! No, for real, I shat you not.

My brother is having his fucked up life splayed all out on basic cable for all of God's children to watch and for that I would like to say thank you. Already he has revealed to his shrink, (who appears on every episode, EVERY damn minute it seems) on screen, that he cheated on his wife, is a sex addict, is soulless, has done crack, does steroids, has anger issues...and a bunch of other fun stuff. If this is not good (and explotive) TV I don't know what is! Shitgoddamn I love it. Hell in next week's episode he's about to jump a mother for flirting with his wife and looks like he is going to cut his shrink in the face with a homemade shiv. You know what VH1 stands for? Very Happy this 1 bitch has cable.

Man, if this is the decline of civilization...bring it on.

Wow, just um, yeah...wow

Yes, I use this forum daily (okay, I have been slacking I know) to display my amazing wit and wisdom but I'm going I'm going to kill the cuteness for a moment and give a moment to the Hurricane Katrina victims.

Most of us have NEVER and I hope NEVER will see the kind of destruction that has been going on down South. That being said, try and rip yourself away from CNN (the network that has turned me into a crying mess) and give up some ducats to the throngs of charitable organizations that will be aiding in the relief work.

If you don't give*, well you have no heart and I wish you well on the flipside. Kisses!

Special shout-out to my amazing friend Adrienne Hurst who is trying to get down to New Orleans to help out...she has the heart of a champion!

http://www.oxfamamerica.org/newsandpublications/press_releases/press_release.2005-08-30.2378414916

http://www.charitynavigator.org/index.cfm/bay/content.view/catid/68/cpid/310.htm

http://www.networkforgood.org/

http://www.fema.gov/news/newsrelease.fema?id=18473

*And it's not just about cash folks...you can volunteer your time...don't forget that!