Sometimes the morning news cracks me up

This morning I'm in the loo getting all presentable, you know, thin line of black liner on the top lid, a touch of bronzer to even out my blackness, the usual.

Well as I'm applying the final touches and I hear on the CNN from a democratic consultant, regarding Bushy's Supreme Court nomination: "This could have been a time for the Bush to pick someone that represented the people. Someone of color, a woman, an Asian..."

So let me breakdown some key points here:
1) He said "the Bush"...that is always funny
2) He assumed that Bush would think outside of the old boys network. Um, okay. Uh, no. This is the motherfucking Supreme Court, not the Secretary of Agriculture...he wants to leave a legacy and a legacy that says, "Fuck this 'we are the world shit', I'm white, I want white people around me to make the REAL important decisions and you can't do a goddamn thing to stop me from doing it. And when I say white people, I mean white conservative males that miss the 'good old days'!"
3) And the kicker point is the fact that my man decided that Asians are not of color, they are their own subsect.

Sometimes you have to laugh at your own. Oh, and I really miss Bill Hemmer.

Honeychile, I need a moment...

KEXP.org is playing my song right now...Al Green's "Simply Beautiful". Lord, that is what IT is about. And fuck you if I need to tell you about the power of the IT. I'm so in love with the DJs that work at this station...right now Cheryl Waters is my gurlfriend.

Oh and by the way, I just had sauteed beef tips with a baked yam and broccoli for lunch. Man, it was good.

Jude Law: Good move slick

Guess what kids...many men cheat...I'm pretty sure ALL Hollywood actors cheat...don't try and dispute me on this. But for the love of any god...don't FUCK your kid's nanny! Jude Law, sir, you are a fine actor, you're kinda easy on the eyes and I bet you smell good but you are officially an idiot. What makes you a big idiot is that you alledgedly got caught in bed with the nanny--by your kid who told your ex-wife, her mom, who I'm assuming was itching to let your new fiancee know what a cock you are. Special shout out to young Sienna Miller, the young lass and fiancee, who has to be mortified that the whole world knows her man can't keep McPenis on lock, for dropping his ass. Hey buddy, a public apology might not be what she was looking for. Good work son, good work.

Watching the fall of the rich and famous is really fun.

http://theedge.bostonherald.com/lifeNews/view.bg?articleid=94365&format=&page=1

I'm not mad at the White Stripes anymore

Wanna know why? Because their new single "Blue Orchid" is gully...shit I'm down with the whole album. Never would have thunk my disdain for them would die, but I guess it has. Regardless of my new outlook Meg is still a beat ass drummer. That ain't gunna change.

Vince Vaughn & Owen Wilson: Pure Magic

Saturday afternoon I get home looking a hot mess and thinking, "Shit, I'm 30 now, maybe I should take a nap and then have some tapioca pudding", but instead of jacking up the Depends I called my girl Jess and I met her and her roomie to see The Wedding Crashers*. Kids, it was an excellent move.

I'm not going to try and tell you about this funny part or that funny part...what I'm going to tell you is that VV and OW are genius. From the first scene to the last one I was rolling. And oh yeah, any movie that has Dwight Yoakam and Rebecca DeMornay playing a bickering
divorcing couple is alright in my book. Yeah I said it, their respective work in Sling Blade and The Hand That Rocks the Cradle, was it, not even trying to be cute. The mentally challenged and a deranged nanny that miscarries is cinematic gold. Here I go, jumping off topic...

This is not stupid funny, it's just bust a gut stuff. It reminds me of classic 80's funny when they made adult comedies, not the shit they bust out now that is packaged for adult consumption but is basically an overgrown teen shlock.

Vince Vaughn takes it to 15 and Owen Wilson really makes me forget he did Shanghai Knights. Yes, that is a big thing. If nothing else pay the $10.25 to hear VV say, "Look, she is eye fucking me" and "She was my first Asian"...that is comedy.

*After the flick the ladies and I snuck into Batman Begins...hey, if you make it easy, I'm going to do it...and when a movie cost the same price as a meal for a family of 20 I feel I can do such. Regardless, Christian Bale, just great...he IS Batman. Katie Holmes, has a crooked mouth and couldn't act her way through a dinner theater production of Les Mis in Boca. And I'm not saying that because of her facade with Tom Cruise...she bugs...but she's tall so I will give her that. Michael Caine...what a great movie father figure. Cillian Murphy...star...a STAR. Morgan Freeman, nice gig after the Oscar, good looking out Gramps.

My crush on Rachel McAdams just gets bigger and bigger

Now I usually don't get my panties in a bunch for these random new jack white actresses, I mean really, don't they get enough play? They will always be the new black but I shit you not, I just have the biggest girl love for Rachel McAdams...I mean, it's like stupid.

Okay, we all know it started with The Notebook, continued when her and Ryan Gosling reinacted one of their dramatic kisses and the MTV Movie Awards (I swear they are dating...if so that is just too much for me to handle!!!) but then I saw the teaser/trailer for Red Eye*, that new Wes Craven movie...and she sucked me in again. I don't know what magical pull this girl has but she does and I'm scurred!

Now, she is not like my girls Angelina Jolie and Salma Hayek, you know, sex on the stick where it doesn't matter if you are into girls, guys, dyslexic pygmies they are just the hotness and you can't help but love/lust them...she is just cute as a damn button...and they don't make that anymore. And don't get me wrong, not like some bullshit Mandy Moore cute thing but grown ass woman cute, that kind of cute that is cute/sexy...that we should be best friends and have brunch thing. She's that kind of cute where you and your boyfriend have discussions on how fucking precious she is and you don't even get angry when he has a slight crush on her...for real, that shit happens! I been there honeys, suck it up, it makes you a better woman.

So this is how this story ends...Skank actresses need to shot like horses with bad legs. Long live Rachel McAdams and her fabulously cute and charming little self. I totally want to hang with her...you know get some margaritas together, maybe some apps and just crush out.

*Check out the Red Eye teaser...then the trailer...teaser is much better...and Cillian Murphy is in it too. Lord have mercy...that chile has a pretty mouth on him.
http://www.redeye-themovie.com/

Oh shit son...this is a good look

Guess what, I live in NYC (okay the BK but to me that IS the city) and I love NYC stuff but I'm as happy as crackhead right out of the pen with $20 and looking for that first sweet, sweet hit with her newfound freedom...a 7-11* has opened in Manhattan. HOLLA! I said it...holla son, wut, wut! The thought of a Slurpee, a big bag of BBQ flavored Fritos and maybe a hot dog, if I'm feeling sexy, is just the hotness. Shit, I might take a sponge bath in the 5000 oz. Big Gulp they sell. For those that didn't grow up in the burbs and never experienced the magic of the mother of all convenience stores I say jump on the wagon now. Aiight, enough with this...I got to go and get a Coca-Cola/Cherry combo Slurpee and some red vines...I'm out!

*For those that are beyond the magic of 7-11...you are dead to me.

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/07/17/nyregion/thecity/17elev.html

Bravo: Oh, times have changed

I would love to be REAL sanctimonious and wax poetic about watching Camille Claudel and Paris, Texas on Bravo when it was about artsy flicks but I got to say...I'M LOVING just LOVING the lowest common denominator television they are rocking. It's not right, but really, it's okay.

Yes, there has been tons already said about Being Bobby Brown and I'm not going to try and outwit all the pithy banter but sweet Jesus--I have not had this much fun watching my people getting exploited for white America since watching Cuba Gooding, Jr. act a right fool when he won an Oscar. Actually, I take that back, I wanted to slap his shucking and jiving ass. Who reacts that way? It's an Oscar not the Nobel Peace Prize. I'm pretty sure Bishop Desmond Tutu didn't do acrobatics when he got hooked up, but that is just a wild guess.

All I want to say is crazy is the new retarded and I have to thank Whitney Houston for this. To hell with Bobby, my man is sane as hell compared to her...this is old girl's show. And no one can say "Hell to the no" to me about that.

My other show, and when I say my other show I mean what is clogging up my DVR is Blow Out. Can this show be anymore extra? Back up, it was straight up rhetorical. Really, I never knew I could watch a show where a "straight" hairdresser cries in nearly episode, rips the assholes of his employees and is treated like a messiah. Every week I want to slap Jonathan Antin open palm in the face and then prop him back up when he hits the ground to get some more stupid drama.

Some of the shit that I watch really does test moral fiber...and 50% of the time I fail that test. Oh well. Next week Bobby goes camping and Whitney tracks him down when he acts up...god bless the ridiculousness of cable.