Enough is enough

If I hear one more time that the O.C. is the new 120 Minutes I'm going to choke a bitch. Yeah it's great that Adam Brody's character is pimping The Killers and Death Cab for Cutie but shit, fools are acting like this is the second coming of Christ and it's getting to be a little extra. You know what would be cutting edge? Throwing some Diamanda Galas up in there while Mischa Barton (What's her name on the show? Amber? Lisa? Generic white girl name?) gets gang banged by a pack of one-legged dwarfs....and I mean that in a nice way. Now that would be deserve a damn Emmy. Fuck, the show is on Fox they are SOOOOOOOOOOOO not above this.

Christmas in Honduras

In addition to this being the name of my first album (and an homage to The Dead Kennedys) this is where I spent big baby Jesus' birthday (not ODB fools!)...and let me tell you, it was some good stuff.

Months ago I was going through some old travel mags and I came across one that featured "Central American Sensations". Now yes, I had the same thought as you might have, "Oh great, let me go to a certain region of the world where a coup might break out...that would be fucking awesome." In all actuality in my warped head I was like oh snap, a coup, that could be cool, I can get my Patty Hearst on and wear bullets across my chest. Of course I was not thinking of getting kidnapped cause brown Americans don't get snatched cause revolutionaries know that them fools at the Pentagon would let us just die---no one is going to make a damn political statement with our black asses. But as usual, I digress.

So I'm going through the mag reading about Costa Rica, Nicaguara, Panama, El Salvador (you like how I'm proving that I know what countries are in CA?) and then I read about this eco-lodge in La Ceiba, Honduras called The Lodge at Pico-Bonito...check it out: http://www.picobonito.com. It was be-tee-ful! It's located in the forest and it's like fancy ass adult summer camp.

Now yes, it's the third world, and I'm quite sensitive of that but if I can can kick it "Small Luxury Hotels of the World" stylee I will dammit! For the region it was pricey, for this land of ours...bargain and a half!

So this is what we did for four glorious days (the appreviated version right here, if I ever see ya you'll get the full shabang and get to see some pretty little pics):

Day 1 (we got there on Tuesday and just chilled so I ain't counting that):
Went on a hike with this adorable guide named Joel (pronounced like HO-EL...cause he like foreign and shit and it sounds sexier). On this little trek I got my exercise on. Saw some birds, almost slipped on rocks and cracked my skull and worked out my new Sketchers hiking boots...$39.95 on sale, that made it even sweeter.

Day 2:
Went to a wildlife refuge. Our guide was Melvin, he was fresh and just a really great guy! Love you Melvin! To get to this jammie we took a rickety ass "train", for real, I can't describe how antiquated this thing was but I felt like I was 5 and on some Disneyland ride. That equals awesomeness. When we got to the spot where we were going get our wildlife on we got in a little boat and it was on. And when say "on" I mean, we got our Heart of Darkness/Apocolypse Now on. On this venture we went down a river and into the thick of the forest. At any moment I was waiting for Colonel Kurtz to come up from the murky water and drag me into this world of militants and Dunkin Donuts cause you know Marlon Brando got fat as fuck during that movie. Yeah, I was a little scurred. Now the moment where I almost started squealing like a 12 year old boy touching his first set of teets was when I got to see howler monkeys. Did you hear me?! Monkeys! How great are monkeys?!! Now they are not chimps, which rule, or like spider monkeys, cause pocket size primates are killer but they were still monkeys. But these fuckers were gangsta. See when you get too close to them they get all agro and they will...get ready...poop on you so you can back the hell down. And guess what? We got a bit too close. These sumofabitches were done getting their pics taking and starting to position themselves over our boat and started to just let loose...shit was coming from the sky. Luckily we got away and didn't get hit but it was too close for comfort. Damn, they were just like Britney when she starting throwing milkshakes at the papparazzi this year except they aren't fucking a hack back-up dancer and are more educated. I mean, that is just a guess, but they might be into the cast of You Got Served.

Day 3:
My mom likes flowers, we went to a botanical garden, you know what those are about, I don't need to break it down. It was pretty cool. And we got to eat fruit off the trees...well my mom did, I was like I'm not going out like that. Period. End of story. Part two of the trip consisted of going to a Garifuna village. Let me get a little historical with you for a bit. The Garifuna are direct descendents of slaves that escaped and settled in Honduras...straight street. The village we went to was right near the beach and we got our cheap grub on...the skrimp was delightful and oh so succulent. Did I mention it was cheap? That is really nice. The folks that ran the shack/restaurant had a pet that was from the raccoon family that was chained up. For real, anything that looks like a rat and a raccoon wrapped up in one is not CUTE at all and should be chained up. It made those anorexic dogs that roamed around dingo style look like pampered little beasts. Just something I'm throwing out. This was the BEST meal we had during our trip and it was a nice hang. Again, my man Melvin made this happen. Dude is a real sport.

Day 4:
This was hike number two. It was three hours long and the most exercise I have had in like, forever. I mean yeah, I live in New York and walk everywhere but I usually don't walk uphill for 2 hours straight. The fact that I didn't sweat like a hog and fall makes me a winner. Heart of a damn champion. After that I laid my mochacino ass near the pool cause I wanted to get dark as night cause being a Blackfrican American and looking like you have jaundice really is not a good look. Black is beautiful dammit!

In summation, the rest of the day was spent reflecting on how great vacation was and how much I need to win lotto so I can never work again and just travel. I think I would be really good at it. If anyone out there wants to be my sponsor me or be my sugar daddy that we greatly appreciated. I'm pretty sure it's a tax write off. It's like some NAACP stuff, trust me on this.

Hit Central America, help out the economy and 80 degree weather in December really kills that winter of discontent thing.

Yes, I have let it all sink in

Last week the magical Pixies hit our the fair city...and it was just that, magical. Sigh.

The first night I went was Sunday, the 11th with my friend/ex Steve...took him for his birthday (it was in September, get over it) cause that is the kind of nice gal that I am. When I got the tickets I was beyond thrilled because it was in the Mezz, mama is old, sitting down in the new black. For real. We got there about 2 hours before they went on to get a good seat and it was perfect. What was not perfect was sitting through the Datsuns set. Snooze. Sweet Jesus. Those gents are very competent musicians but do I need to hear you jam for about 9o minutes a song? If I wanted that jazz I would be into Phish, I'm not, please exit the stage please. BTW--Saw them at Southpaw, then they had no domestic distribution, therefore hungry, therefore better. Okay, moving on.

At 9:15 SHARP (Frank Black Francis and co. are NOT playing around) the joy of what is the Pixies hit the stage and everyone start squeeling like little girls at a Maroon 5 show...it was that BIG. They came out to a booming soundtrack behind then and launched into "Wave of Mutilation" (not the U.K. Surf version) and then just kept taking it to the next level.

There is NOTHING better than seeing the oldsters jamming the hell out and almost no one sat down in my area during the whole set (some of use leaned back cause our knees ain't what they use to be, you feel me don't you babies?). EVERYONE and I mean EVERYONE was singing along to all of the songs like it was an "American Idol" audition. Most of us were more like William Hung, but that is okay, cause like the Hung, we all had the hearts of champions. Dudes that you know never show any emotion were pogoing and tripping out like no one's business. That right there is what a true rock show is about...just forgetting where you are at and doing you. The Pixies never really had any hits but the way their set flew so effortlessly along it was like all their songs were number one hits...I mean, we all acted like they were. It was this kind of vibe where you had to just take a moment and go, "Yeah, these are some classics, Petey Pablo's "Freek-a-leek" is hot, but I know I will not be in a room with thousands of fools singing along to it 15 years later." "Get Low" maybe...but I digress.

Their set was about an hour and a half and I could have taken more, but it's sexy how they kept us waiting for more. The beauty part was before they went into their encore they didn't leave the stage, they all took the applause, bonded, let us freak out some more and then went into two more songs. For real, I HATE having to wait for a band cause their egos say, "Hey let's duck in a hall, have a few Heinkens, take a bump off a models ass and then come out again TEN FUCKING MINUTES LATER"...bullshit, I say bullshit.

Anyway, they gave us kids a little bit more and then left us in awe. Joey and Dave are now bald as hell but are playing like champs...Kim looks like some off-kilter soccer mom (she got the hair cut and the sweater down...with a cig hanging for her mouth for some flare, love that angelic sounding bitch) and Frank/Charles/Black Francis...he is just, just...what do you say about a fat man who can move a room to tears (okay, that was a little extra)...fucking genius, just genius. And guess what? That is not even near to being an overstatement.

Dammit, it was a big, big love for the NYC.

You need to respect this brother

I got home from the Pixies (oh yeah, there will be a breakdown in this very lil' blog tomorrow...I need to let it soak ALL the way in), decided to put on a some telly and who was on Larry King Live? My man, former President Jimmy Carter. Seriously, I heart this man. No joke.

Say whatever you want about his presidency (don't get me started on the Iranian hostage situation...he was totally duped) but this man has to be the GREATEST former president based on his humanitarian work not only in this country but abroad. What he has done to try and bring BASIC human rights and self-reliance into first through third world countries is beyond commendable, it's heroic. And this is tremendously important in a time when doing what is right for the world (and this country) is monetarily based. He deserved the Nobel Peace Prize he won and dammit, throw the brother one (along with his homegirl of 58 years, Rosalind) for every year he goes out there and does what he does. This man DOES not do this because it makes him look good but because he knows that as a human being taking part in this world it is his duty.

Anyway, I just got to say that whenever I see him on TV it just bring a smile to my face and makes me know that there are good people out there doing good things. He is the perfect representative for whatever humanity is left out there as an American citizen when he faces the world stage and thank GOD he is there.

Love yah Jimmy, don't let the bastards try to hold you down.

Just making a little comparison

And that is that the Pixies, with their 90 night stint at Hammerstein , are like the Allman Brothers Band. Okay, not really, but I'm pretty damn sure fools will be as amped to see them as those that see the ABA when they play for like 6 months straight EVERY year at the Beacon. Of course this will be sans dirty hippies, 30 minute jam sessions and someone screaming for "Whipping Post"*. In this case it will be hundreds of 30 somethings howling for "Debaser" and I'm not mad at that.

This last week alone I swear everyone I've had a conversation with was like, "Um, what night you going to see the Pixies", not asking if I like em, how's that skanker working out for you...just what night you going. And to answer you again, SUNDAY and WEDNESDAY suckas! Yep, I'm still as excited as a priest in a Chuck E. Cheese. Last night I was at Rope...a lovely bar with an amazing jukebox in Clinton Hill (um, any bar that has the FIRST two Queens of the Stone Age albums in their jukebox AND Public Enemy's It Takes a Nation...deserves great success) and I put on "Gigantic" and this chick flipped. All of a sudden she says to the owner/bartender Frank (I heart him, dude is cool in that "I'm French" and I'm just above it way) "I'm seeing them Sunday and Monday!" and I'm thinking, "It's not that kind of party in here sweetie...take it down a notch"...but then I was like let old girl have her moment...it's the fucking PIXIES and you know you are whipping thrilled too lil e (you like how I got my bell hooks on right there?).

You see, and I might have mentioned this before, but I'm going to say it again. This is most likely the first time a lot of folks are going to see this band...a band that was the catalyst for a lot of jokers out there now. And you know what? For those of us leaving our 20's and getting the 401K on to finally get to sing along to songs that WE thought were anthems it pretty damn good. People have been waiting for this a long time and unlike when Jane's Addiction had the nerve to call their "reunion" a "reunion" (don't pull that shit and not invite Eric Avery back) this group will come through...no one is letting anyone down here. They will come out there, play what we want to hear, not try to posture and just kill it. As Ms. Tanya Mancini says, they are going to get awesome.

So that's that, I'm going to back to listening to Kyuss, reading Budget Living and debating on whether or not I will make Oatmeal/Chocolate Chip cookies right now. Yum!

*I think "Whipping Post" is a killer song, I like that there is a negro in the Allman Brothers Band to keep it crazy real, and I enjoyed Gregg Allman's work in the film Rush...motherfucker was believable. Hell, playing a crazy ass drug dealer in the 70's probably not a BIG stretch. I'm not saying, I'm just saying. Regardless, he was cool and the movie was even cooler. Netflix that bad boy.

Good...Not Good

That damn Interpol song "Evil". Shit, it's catchy as hell. Oh, that Gwen Stefani album, whatever. 35 going on about 18, not cute. Like kill it or I will. Must say track 3, "Hollaback Girl", I'm not mad at it, not mad at it at all. There is my passing of judgement for the moment. Nice doing business with you.

The Final Countdown!

And with this we begin the countdown to my Pixies concert experience in New York. As you know I flew my crazy black ass out to see them in May at Coachella (just blissful) and again to LA in September (yeah, straight gangsta). This Sunday, the 12th and Wednesday the 15th the magic will again be upon me.

Days to Pixies #1-6
Days to Pixies #2-9

BRAVO...killing it again

Please tell me there are MANY out there that LOVE Significant Others on Bravo as much as I do?! That show is so side-splittingly amusing.

Premise: It's a bunch of couples living in LA that are going to therapy so they have that "talk to the camera as if it is a shrink" thing happening. In lesser shows that is really annoying, here, just good fun. What is so grand about this show is that it is improvised and lucky for us all the actors on this show are GREAT. Really, there is not one bad egg. Last night one of the episodes featured "Ethan and Eleanor" (the young couple married for 18 months) and they have this killer fight. Pretty much Ethan is a pussy, and yes, his wife call him that on camera, uh huh, that is comedy folks, and asks his wife to get up and do something about the water heater being broken so he can take a hot shower. The look of utter disgust and contempt she has for him when he wakes her up is priceless. Eleanor tells him to go ask one of the neighbors to use their shower... he wigs out and therefore the term "pussy" comes up. She gets up...all angry and shit...and ends up asking the neighbor's teenage son if her hubby can borrow their shower. His mom comes out of nowhere thinks hanky panky is going on and all all breaks lose until she figures out it is harmless.

Cut to the husband going to the other neighbor looking for his wife and it just gets stupid funny. He ends up bounding with this 86 year old woman, talks about his marriage with her, lady says his wife sounds like a bitch, Ethan realizes him and old lady take the same medication and he ends up rubbing lotion on her "dry spot" cause she can't reach it. Yep, he is 29...and it is a tender moment.

Cut back to other house...Eleanor is bounding with the kid talking about he is more together than her boo and next thing you know they are smoking pot in his makeshift fort in the backyard where they are caught by his mom and her husband who figures out where his wife ended up. As you can guess, hilarity ensues. This was not the only "couple" that was featured on this ep but I just had to break it down.

For real, I am not doing this justice but you HAVE to check out this show...every Sunday on Bravo at 9pm. These fools are cragy as hell and have me howling like a banshee all up in my apartment. Good times, good times.

Oh, and I'm not sure how I feel about this but I have a feeling that I'm going to LOVE Project Runway. The first episode was repeated after The Sig and I have to say, I can see myself getting riveted. Now Ms. Heidi Klum is working a very foreign Tyra Banks thing here, a la America's Next Top Model...but it still works for me. There is going to be MAD drama and I'm already ready for it.

Living and twirling at it's cattiness.