When Labias Attack!

Have you ever wondered what you could get that special lady in your life that has everything? Well wonder no more...you can get her a labia reduction! Um yeah, I said it, a labia reduction.

Let me back up a bit. Remember when I spoke of going to see Margaret Cho? Well on that fateful night my pal Jim was flipping through a entertainment guide for lesbians (because gay men always want to know what their vagina loving brethren are up to!) and in the back of the guide there was an advert for plastic surgery for labias. Basically they were pimping "pussy lifts". Before I go on any further I have to just let this out...WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ABOUT?! I'm sure not a fan of recreational plastic surgery--hell, if my boobs drop in future I MIGHT consider a lift but this though is just stupid and it proves how far this "self-improvement" kick has gone in this god forsaken land of ours.

Now I have read about how women get this surgery because having BIG OL' lips makes it uncomfortable to sit, bike, wear tight clothing (?!) and have intercourse...but one thing that keeps being brought up over and over again is the shame of having an elongated labia. All I got to say is bullshit! Okay, who in the Gael Garcia Bernal is telling these lassies that their pussy lips are too big? I mean, come on. And who is to say that one's vagina and it's "accessories" are NOT the right size? Is there some kind of requirement because I didn't hear about it from my high school health classes, my mama or my gyno.

I will be damned if some dude did not come up with this "procedure" cause I'm telling you no broad thought this up. Picture it, some "playboy" is with his lady trying to work it out and he looks up and thinks, "Damn, this is taking a little too much of my time, if only I could pin back old girl's excess labia skin it would be all good...shit, cut it off, it would be slicker and mad aerodynamic. Fuck, let me call my old man, he's a plastic surgeon and we can figure out a way to let women know they "disfigured" with this little "handicap". Sweet, another reason for the ladies to hate themselves...this is awesome, I'm totally going to get a Nobel Prize for this!" For real, I'm sure it went down pretty close to like that.

The moral of the story is this...if you have some kind of 90 foot long labia that is inflammed and actually speaks to you maybe this IS for you but if not just let it go. No one has the right to make anyone feel bad because they have a "BIG" labia...and hell, it shouldn't be investigated that hard in the first place. There are a million more things to deal with in your life...your job, your personal life, your family, et al...not this. I just feel that if you treat your labia right it will treat you right in return and what more can you ask for.