Bjork is scary

Saturday night went to see Margaret Cho at the Apollo and it was pretty damn funny. And by funny I mean that all of Chelsea was uptown and my people did not know what the hell hit them. My cultural road dawg (hell, road dawg all around) Jason "Blickety" Black overheard a gent tell his friend on the phone that something was going on at the Apollo and it seems like there were a whole lot of "gays" there for it. It was very matter of fact, see,we are the world.

I'm done with that intro, let's carry on. So Margaret, being the enlightened, fag hag that she is was doing her usual pro-choice, pro-gay marriage, pro-whatever else leans to the left spiel that had me guffawing along. Most of her act I've heard in some sort of permeneation but she dropped some crazy science when she busted out her riff on the one and only...Bjork. And what she did had me nearly piss myself..for real, it was ugly, I was THAT close to a drop hittin the old Gap Body hipsters. (Sidenote: Those panties are IT...sexy and cute along with covering the milkshake like no one's business, bravo Gap, bravo...in case anyone from the Gap comes across this feel free to send me a box..size small and preferably black..., hit me on the e-mail, I'll give you the dets...merci beaucoup mes amis!)

So MC starts talking about the things that scare her in the world, Republicans, fundamentalists and...Bjork. She busts out in the pixie voice and start doing some weird "Icelandic" dance while singing "I've Seen It All" and then "Pagan Poetry". Okay, might not seem like big deal but who the HELL does that and then breaks it down about how she is a little animal and could snap at any moment. Now close your eyes and just picture the Cho flitting about stopping in mid motion and giving a little growl like a warthog--the sound that she pictures Bjork making when she attacks. It's truly funny for the fact that Bjork did attack someone once...well one time we know about.

If you don't already know this story let me set the scene. Years ago Bjork was in an airport in Bangkok and a reporter tried to approarch her and her son, when Bjork heard the woman try to talk to her (BTW...the woman was welcoming her to their city) it all of a sudden became Wild Kingdom. The sprite jumped out of her skin, grabbed the woman by the head and pretty much worked out some shit that would have made 50 Cent, N.W.A., and Naomi Campbell combined proud. (Don't act like you don't remember, or don't think it was kinda fierce when the "Omi" chucked her cellphone at her assistant's head...when the help trips you trip back.) I mean, I know a transatlantic voyage will fuck up your constitution but goddamn. Anyhoo, MC told the story and her interpretation was dead on...all the way up to her recreating what Bjork said (creative license taken on Ms. Cho's part) when she actually called the woman to apologize, (pixie voice) "Hello, I'm sorry I tried to rip your eyes out."

For real, trust me, it was FUNNY. Jim (who I was sitting next, and Jason's boo) and I kept holding on to each other for dear life because we were laughing so hard and wanted her to stop because the stomach cramps from all the laughter was too much to take.

Moral of the story, if they ever film it...Netflix that jammie, and just flip through as many "chapters" on the DVD till you get to the "Bjork" moment and just settle into the fact that singing elves* are funny and crazy.

(*Okay, I really don't think she is an elf, but it sounds good, and no matter how "crazy" or how Chow Yun Fat she gets she is fierce...once you write "Big Time Sensuality" you can do whatever you want in my book.)