Mama needs a drank...

Let me begin this by saying that giving fools a three day weekend can be a little extra...but I do love it so. This is what went down on the last day.

On Monday Adrienne, Latasha and my girl Shari and I went to get our brunch on at B-Bar because:
1) It was a glorious day
2) I was in the mood for a garden setting
3) We were taking it back to the old skool. They used to have an all you can drank brunch which was so whimsical and carefree...and whatever else you get when you are drinking me-mosas in the afternoon. Now they only have a two drank special...I like to think we are part of the reason they discontinued it. Years ago a throng of us pretty much almost drank Stingy Lulu's in the ground with their brunch deal...I'm sure word spread, we are groundbreakers. That is a different blog post.

Anyway, it was bound to be a grand day when we didn't get the lovely banana bread that is part of the prix-fixe brunch IMMEDIATELY and Shari, in her outdoor voice, says, "Where's that bitch where are bread and water...I'm hungry." See, when black people don't get food when needed it is ugly and can get 'Boyz in the Hood' like when not taken care of. It's a straight up blood sugar issue, you got to recognize. Now mind you, Shari is not black, but she was with us negress' and therefore she is one by osmosis...she also gets down with tragic mulattos so it's all gravy. Man, I'm going to miss that girl...she is moving to LA and I need a moment to come to terms with it...5,4,3,2,1...okay, I'm cool now. That is my bitch right there.

Well once we were fed and no longer willing to chew through our waitress' ankles the conversation turned to the ad campaign going on in the city trying to get gay men not to do crystal meth. I'm so not down with the kids anymore because I had no idea the pink posse were doing hillbilly heroin, and enough to warrent postering about it all over the damn place...go figure. I mean the meth seems to be so unfabulous to me and therefore not within the parameters of that world but who am I to judge. Live and twirl. This turned into talk of falling into "k-holes", crack and then Latasha and I arguing about what is more complicated to do...crack or heroin. Me, I say heroin, tying off and injected some shit is just TOO extra and messy...because when you think crack ya think CLEAN! This was all done right next to a table of a family that looked more than mortified and were ready to clutch the pearls at any moment because of their young daughter. Hell, I say let princess listen in...if they make one false move with their parenting techniques little lady could be sucking the glass dick before she hits her first training bra. But that is just me being a realist. And the thought of it just makes me chuckle! Addicition is he-larious!

After the brunch LT, Adrienne and I head to St. Marks Place to buy some cheap ass sunglasses...Ad-Roc (that would Adrienne) wanted some big old shades so I was just tickled mauve making her try shit on. When that got to be too much of a laugh riot we left and as we mosied down the street I saw blinged out "jewels". One of the necklaces was an "iced" out revolved on a dookie chain. I turn to Adrienne and say, "Look at the bling bling gun" and her being the social worked that she is says, "That is just appalling". Well the 50ish or 60ish Asian man that worked the stand that didn't know hardly a lick of english busts out, "Bling, bling gun. G-UNIT!!" LT just looked at me and said, "I have to walk away" and Adrienne and I LOST it! Lost it like no human should lose it. And let me tell you, old dude was amused at us being amused.

After that we went to Delancey Lounge because after a long 30 minutes of trying on cheap sunglasses and laughing at immigrants trying to master the english language another tail of cock was needed and dammit...we were just spent. Now the DL has a lovely rooftop bar with a glorious Koi pond, and you know when you are trying to get your happy hour on there is nothing better than wildlife and friends to make everything all warm and fuzzy. What could possibly break this, and make ya think you are a holic, is when folks at the next table start staring and ask if you were just at the B-Bar doing the same thing. The answer is yes and mind your bizness, you about to ruin the taste of sweet vodka going down my throat.

As that lovely moment died down the wonderfully blonde and sweet as speckled pup Dawn showed up, told us some scandelous tales and we ended un in the B-Burg. FYI, we has lost the Shari so we had to pick up another sassy white gal because we're democrats, we're diverse and we do our part for the war effort. Anyhoo we hit this fabulous 24 hour diner called Anytime. Besides have great mozzarella sticks the real fabulousness was unvailed when our lovely concaved faced waiter told us about the $1 drink deal that goes on from 5pm to 9pm EVERYDAMNDAY, um yeah. And that deal would include any drink that is either Bacardi, Skyy, and some whiskey I have never heard of based. M'wow, thanks for asking. We sipped, we snacked it was straight up International House of Coffee like, but without the caffeine and that female bonding bullshit.

Now the last two things that happened just tied the evening together like glitter and glue. On the way home to Clinton Hill (LT and myself) and Bed-Stuy (Ad-Roc getting her do or die on) it began as the usual...Latasha road raging and me laughing my ass out about it. Really, you get to get in the car with her it's like Vice City straight up...except I know I'm not going to die, just whatever fool crosses her. Well we hit a street in the Hill and this older woman starts giving Latasha the eye and waving at her...okay, this lady has about 2 or 3 kids getting in her car looking way more than matronly and basically like one of my aunts...but it got real lesbianic real quick. Latasha looks over at me and was like, "I think that bitch is hitting on me" and I point and start laughing. Why? Cause I'm classy. Once we roll past the "L-Word" we head to Bed-Stuy where out of nowhere a motorcycle goes flying by us with the usual big booty ho on the back "Ruff Ryders" style. This time though old gal has got a white mini skirt on that is flying up in the air to reveal her nasty ass red thong and cellulite inflicted ass. Celluite, not a problem, but please don't show it to me on the back of a bike. Again, something we DIDN'T expect, could not handle and realized that it was a wrap and time to go the hell home. G-UNIT indeed!

The moral of the story is this...there is none. Labor day Monday was fun as hell after an action packed weekend and it made me realize once again that I love crazy ass New York. So I went home, watched Public Enemy "Fight the Power" on the BET Awards, hit the sack bed and dreamed of one day owning a bling, bling revolver pendent and riding off into the sunset with my drawers showing. Really, God Bless America.