"I am a nightmare walking...psychopath talking..."

As many of you might already know, because I was running my m0uth about it incessantly, I was just in Los Angeles to see the Pixies...yeah, I was there, it was cool, what you going to do about it?

Let me set the stage. My lovely friend Shari (the white gal that I mentioned in a previous post who tripped over not getting water and banana bread in a timely fashion at B Bar) got us tickets to see these LEGENDS at the Greek Theatre. We went with Tony (I fucking heart dude!) their boy Lou and it was just glorious! Outdoor ampitheater, chili dogs and frozen lime margaritas, what more do you need?! In addtion to that we saw Jason Biggs in line to get his grub on and Danny Masterson and Bijou Phillips in the VIP section acting like they even know how to spell Trompe Le Monde...the highlight of that being Shari turning to me and saying, and this is in regards to Bijou Phillips, "That is a bitch that deserves to be donkey punched." Uh huh, she said "donkey punched". Of course I turned to Tony to make sure we got the correct description of the DP and that if it would be appropriate for the Bijou. The final answer is that she deserved it. Hell, it's not like she got anything else going for her at the moment...might as well rock that.

As you can imagine it was FABULOUS to see the Pixies in this setting, and I had a grand old time, but I have to admit that I did enjoy the Coachella show better...maybe it was because it was the FIRST time that I had EVER seen them...or maybe seeing and hearing 30,000 fools singing "Debaser" together just blows my skirt up...who knows. Moral of the story, they were on their B+ game but it was awesome and they will ALWAYS blow away any of the other youngsters that are coming out today. End scene.

Okay, but this is when it gets all sorts of Mi Vida Loca/Colors...

About two-thirds through the set a Phish looking fan...let's call him Ian...was about a row away from a young Mexican gent...let's call him Jesus... asked young Jesus if he would stop smoking...smoking in an outdoor amphitheater. Well Jesus was really not that responsive to that request. Well when Ian, ponytail and all, sat back down Jesus blew smoke right in his direction and then proceeded to flick his lit cig at the head of Ian. Ian gets up...gets all up in his grill and says he's getting a security guard. Shari and I were like SNAP...we started to look to see if there were any teardrops on Jesus' face and just waiting for shots to ring out and/or a shiv to come out. Yeah, we were kicking the stereotypes. A cigerette was thrown--all bets are off. Hold on though, it's about to get real sexy.

A lady guard comes over (yeah, that was going to go nowhere fast, sorry to not have faith in my female brethren, but come on now!--oh yeah, I'm bring back "lady" hard) tries to talk to Jesus and thuglife grabs his FULL glass of beer and throws it at Ian. Okay, I'm not supporting this but I've got to give props to Jesus for have amazing trajectory skills. First he nails dude perfectly with the cig and then not only hits sport with the beer but his friend next to him. I was like you need to take it down to at least 7 brother but BRAVO! At that point lady was like fuck that noize and gets two other guards...one being some big ass enforcer...we will call him Rodrigo. Rodrigo was not having it and Jesus and his friend were soon out. At this point me and crew were kinda disappointed because we knew if this had gone down in New York shit would have gotten REAL ugly and would have made for a better story. (Mind you Tony was all sorts of amped to start throwing shit at Ian and wreck shop.) On the other hand this happened at...THE PIXIES! How random is that?! I mean, a few more minutes it might have been some gangland drama in the middle of Kim Deal giving out a "big, big love" so it does make for an amusing tale... and that is why I am sharing this.

So here are the final points:

1) Seeing a show outdoors in great weather is cool...even cooler if it's the Pixies. Did I mention that I was there? Oh I think I did...

2) The Pixies might soon rival Morrissey with their Mexican fanbase in the Los Angeles area. For real, when Frank busted out the Spanish that is sprinkled throughout some of their jams it was a motherfucking multicultural singalong. Word.

3) Don't EVER asked someone to stop smoking at the Greek Theater...you might get cut.

4) Bijou Phillips looks like the kind of girl you would "donkey punch".

Can't wait to see the group when they hit the NYC. If someone is not thrown over the balcony of the Hammerstein it really won't be worth the face value of the tickets I purchased.