Candis Cayne: I heart this trick

Last night as part of Easter Sunday/the blood of Christ bacchanalia, I hung out with Artie, Justin and LT and had a stupid blast.

Not only did we act a food at Cafe Cuba in Chelsea...charassco will do that to a girl...but it was taken to the next level when Artie had us all sashay/chante to Brite Bar to see the marvelous Candis Cayne hurt my feeling with fabulousness.

If you don't know her deal check it:

Homegirl is a trannie from Hawaii that is killing it in...lord I don't even know what circuit to put her in...not drag, not cabaret, well killing it in fierce circles. There is nothing worse than seeing a former dude, now lady, with a body you, a regular lady, will NEVER have. She has the best teets, legs, whole package. I was in awe. For real, I want her to be my drunk stepmother that buys me stuff. Or I at least want to have brunch with old gurl.

Anyway...we get to Brite Bar and sit down and I proceed to smile at all the gay boys that felt the need to smile at me like a monkey with a dress on. See, the queers LOVE me but I got out of the hag game along time ago so I smile every other time. Well I was actually very friendly because it was springy and I had a lovely black and white ensemble on, so I was feeling sassy and giving. But that is neither here nor way over there.

Back to CC. So Artie had told me many good things about the show but honeychile I was not prepared for the magic. The bar has windows all in the front so you can see outside...and I'm getting to why this info is important. So a handheld spotlight is kicked on outside and Crystal Waters' "She's Homeless" comes on and Ms. Cayne is pushing a shopping cart across the street on 10th Ave (all up on the projects, holla!) and lipsyncing. She makes it across the street and then dones a black wig and bust out some Liza/Barbra/Judy number and. Then she proceeds to whip off the wig to unleash her golden locks and high kick and aswirl across the street. Baby, this is a functioning AVENUE. She. don't. give. a. fuck.

Okay, so mama comes in grabs her mic and is just riffin' with the audience, being funny and whatnot. Lord, I was tickled. I could get into the beauty of the banter but I won't. Cause I need the time to tell you how she had a wind machine on stage and when she really got her sexy on she would let her hair blow and get her self backlit to the point where Francesco Scuvullo and Helmet Newton would have shed a damn tear. Feeling again, were hurt.

This would be the time when I tell you about when she busted out into an Annie Lennox moment and I was scurred of her. And then I effortlessly segue into how she busted out the Pussycat Dolls' "Don't Cha" and proceeded to stop traffic, climb onto a chain link fence and then come back in for the dramatic finale and tell us how someone from the projects threw a bottle down at her. PERFORMER! These is NO half stepping here kids. LEARN IT! That is how you put on a show.

I'm wrapping it up by telling you kids that mama broke out into Jennifer Holliday's signature tune, "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going" while collecting money from the crowd and bringing the house down. I had to grab onto Artie because this IS the song. Sigh.

The evening was full of fun, friends and dammit signature runway walks (Artie gave a masterclass on the way over to Brite Bar). I'm sorry if you missed this because it was much more fun than whatever you were doing.

Muah!

Candis on YouTube:
http://youtube.com/results?search=candis+cayne&search_type=search_videos&search=Search

Mama's website:
http://candiscayne.com/