"It's a motherfucking walk-off!"

Did you see Project Runway last night?! It.was.the.best.episode.yet. Let me tell you right the eff now, this whole post is a spoiler alert so get all up in my face cause I "ruined" shit. You should have stayed up and watched it if you are committed...like my dumb ass did. I love that when I got home I was able to kick that shit on (courtesy of my other boyfriend, Mr. DVR) and I didn't care that I had to be up at 6:20 this morning--I WOULD NOT have been able to sleep without knowing what went down.

Okay, so check it.

If you don't know, this is what happens at the beginning of each new episode. The person that won the previous challenge has the choice to continuing with the model they already have, can pick the losing the model (the girl who's designer got the Michael Kors boot the week before) or choose from ALL the models. Now each week the designers are like loyal and shit but this week Zulema, who won her first challenge, fucked shit up and decided to flip the script. The bitch asked that the models come out and had three of them do a walk-off. As the lovely Daniel Vosovic aptly put it, "A motherfucking walk-off!"* Tricky mcTrick Trick picked Nick's model, the losing model and Andrae's model for the walk off. And honey, the reaction shots of Andrae and Nick were worth at least 2 or 3 Emmys.

It was drama, intrigue...there were tears! You should have seen the model that Zulema cast aside...she was hurt. Like that kind of hurt a gazelle has as it takes it's last breath after being shut down by a wildebeast. Shit is hard to watch.

And get this: Angry black stereotype takes Nick's model and has the nerve to say, "I'm so sorry Nick." Yo muff, if you sorry then don't do that shit. For real, there is so much black on black crime.** I was not happy.

Lord, we ain't even at the next challenge yet. Proceed.

So their next project was to meet Michael Kors and learn about inspiration. He give them a spiel, hands them each a digital camera and tells them to bound the pavement for an hour to get "inpired". Blah, blah, blah. So they take the pictures and then go back to their studio and pick what picture inspired them and start sketching out what kind of outfit represents this photo. During this whole process Nick is just beat down and is just a shell of a man. He don't know what pic to pick, what to draw. It was sad. That being said the delightful Daniel V. comes up to him and was like don't quit, you got the heart of champion. Tear. It was totally inspiring.

Now they are out picking out their fabrics and stuff and Nick asks their mentor, Tim Gunn, who is fabulous, for some advice. It comes up that Shaka Zulema took his model and Tim is aghast. He's like, "She is so pale, has gummy legs and can't walk...you have this challenge cut out for you", nice, he really needed to hear that.

The kids get back the joint and start creating and this is when I decided I no longer hate Santino (all the vitriol I have within me is now geared towards "her"). He makes the kids laugh by doing a dead-on impersenation of Tim Gunn. It had me rollin'...I will send you kids to the PR website so you can check out some extras. Comedy gold. Even though Santino still looks like a oily and wet sewer rat he's aiight now.

Cut to the runway. It's now time for the judging and I'm just hoping Brutus gets the smack down. Before they get to the runway they interview her new model (Nick's girl) and she was like I don't like her dress--straight up not happy--and then she whispers that she is jealous she can't be with Nick. You tell them how you feel walking mannequin! And then Nick shows his new girl how she needs to work the runway, she does a test run and he squels, "You're my new muse!" It was like all was right with the Lord.

So they are living and twirling out on that catwalk. Daniel V.'s model walks like she's got to pay the rent. Bitch is on it. Andrae's dress was gorge. Santino's dress was not my cup of tea but finally not crazy. Nick's girl delivered with her walk--I was proud. Unfortunately the bottom of the outfit was not that fierce. Kara's was uninspiring. Chloe's was really pretty and wearable. And Zulema's...let's give that it's own new paragraph.

It was aiight...but the judges HATED IT! Jay, the winner from last season, was a judge this week and he shut her down when she tried to to excuse her weak outfit for not looking "done" because of time constraints. He was like Sally don't even try to use that on me, I know time constraints. Good point. But I think he's a sweaty pig so that didn't make me feel better when he knocked her down a peg. The other judges were like argh, gasp, stupid slag I hate you! Okay, not the last part but that is what the eyes were saying...and the eyes don't like, they might be lazy, but they don't lie.

So here comes the dramatic finale...
The judges GUSHED over Daniel and Andrae's designs--but ended up picking Daniel's as the winner. Now D's was dope but I like A-Rock's better but I'm not mad. Chloe is told she passed to the next round. She leaves the runway. Same with Nick. Then Santino, Kara and Zulema are left. They judges browbeat Santino...again...but he really takes it in stride this week and he is told he can stay. He leaves the runway. Okay, it's gettin' gully. Kara and Zulema are both told they pretty much suck cock and need to be flogged. Kara--Zulema--Kara--Zulema. The judges tell Kara she can stay and Zulema...Auf Weidersen sucka.

Moral of the story: Don't cross Nick. If you do the hammer will be dropped. An curtsy.

Man, I love this game!

*This is totally my new catchphrase and I will use it in the most fucked up contexts...mark my word
**Okay, Nick is Greek but he might as well be black...he colored enough. One love y'all.

Check out these links...and what I bought. I'm beyond retarded...and loving it!

http://www.bravotv.com/Project_Runway_2/Episodes/Episode_8/Videos/

http://projectrunway.shopthescene.com/detail.php?p=3974&SESSID=a72bcc03faa312f0d117c9dd573cfc76