Trapeze sucka, trapeze!

Let me get this out of the way...I didn't take a trapeze class cause I saw the shit on "Sex in the City". First off, I don't care about the sex lives of white women so I never was down with the show and only saw the episode in which old girl does the 'peze by accident. That being thrown out there I went cause I thought it would be fun and cause my pal Jason Black did it ages ago and what he's down with I'm down with. Yes kids, I too can be follower, but I like to do it in a fun and sophisticated manner. Let me clear my throat...

On the morning of Sunday, August 14th...the morning after seeing Mr. Read get his rock star on with his band Kinopalatsi at the Continental and up staying up till 4 in the am watching VH1 Classics, cause we're gangsta that way (and stupid)...I rolled my sorry ass out of bed at 9:15 and met the Black all the way on the westside to fly through the air. Yippfuckingee!

I'm not going to lie, the minute I saw the abs on one of the very petite instructors I was completely intimidated, and when she told me that I need to listen cause I totally was trying to do stuff I had no idea about, yep I was shut the hell down. Oh well, humble is the new black.

Any which way let me cut to the chase...

It was Jason, dear Nancy and her boo Jon and I that took the class and we befriended this really cool gal, Lesley, who was visiting from San Fran and decided to take the class by herself. We love that go get em attitude, yes we do. And you need that attitude when they tell you what they want to do about 5 million feet above the ground (yes, there is a net, but come on, it's still a trip). So when you walk up this rickety ass ladder (with your harness, forgot to mention that part), that gave me mad vertigo son, you are then latched on to some other device and then they hold on to you as you reach for the bar and get ready to swing out. Um yeah, I was FREAKED out. At that moment I was like, let's see, maybe I'm scared of heights and this is not a smart idea. Well yer supposed to swing out AND then when they tell you to kick your knees up AND then fling your legs over the bar AND swing with no hands THEN put your hands back up, unlatch your legs AND then do a backflip into the net. Yeah, last time I checked I wasn't Dominique Dawes. And also my ass doesn't do well with multitasking while flying through the atmosphere. Call me developmentally disabled. I'm cool with that.


So let's assume that I was not able to do this the first time I was up there, or the second time I was there, I felt like I was showing the other kids what NOT to do. But on my third try I was able to do the knee hang (that is what us "pros" call it) and it was awesome! And I did it two more times! Jason, Nancy and Jon all got it on the first time but they were down below cheering me on when I FINALLY was able to not look like a total embarrassment and that warmed my little heart. Oh lord, I'm touched. This is when I have to give a shout out to my new friend Lesley for also fucking up on the first time too...to hell with showoffs...cut em right between the 3rd and 4th ribs. Argh, I said it ARGH!

Manny the Argentine instructor was foxy but he was kinda short with me at first but after my triumphant return I felt like I was cool with the foreigner. The other two instructors were coo and we had some rad heads in the class. Don't get me started on the boy wonder Carl who was a diver and tumbler and did EVERYTHING perfectly, like the instructors looked like they wanted to hire him on the spot...dude was a good guy despite being "perfect". Those fancy gays...love em. The whole thing was just so much fun. It was like summer camp, if you flew through the air for 2 hours and then went to eat at Bubby's for lunch after and then got on a subway with heatstroke and the impending feeling of death. But yeah, just like camp. I had a blast!

Moral of the story, I'm going to put on those unflattering yoga pants one more time next month and dammit I will hang from that bar and this time have someone catch me on the other side because yes, I do have the heart of a champion.

Click, click, click!