My Bulletpoint Thoughts of the Oscars...yeah I'm getting my random on

This is the only thing I shall breakdown in a sexy paragraph form: The 78th Annual Academy Awards was a goddamn snoozefest. Seriously folks, when you are doing your run through are you for real thinking, "Yeah, this is going to be fresh this year. This is the year when running 689 packages on randomness is going to blow the lid off this mother. For real real, we are going to get an Emmy." If someone on the staff had that bubble over the head thought then they should have been flogged. My feeling were totally hurt.

Superstar DJ's here we go! (Why I just busted out a Chemical Brothers reference I have no idea...I guess I'm feeling a little late 90's...purr!)

*Um, why was Naomi Watts wrapped in toliet paper? Her shit was fugly, and she looked pregnant. I guess I missed that mention in US Weekly about washed out zaftig being the new black
*Oh Michelle Williams, you are so damn cute...why yellow? Rocking the jaundice not precious.
*Is it me or did Ryan Phillippe look like he wanted to donkey punch is breadwinning wife when they were on the red carpet. Shit was chilly he was so not feeling looking her in the eye. Oh, and when she won (boring) he was like, shit, here goes me TOTALLY falling into the Chad Lowe abyss
*Yeah, I love Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves. And yes, I love that they are friends and came to the Oscars together. And yes, I loved the tuile on her dress...sue me, I'm not changing my tune
*Why does Ryan Seacrest exist. Seriously E!--huge mistake getting rid of Joan and Melissa. I miss those jacked up hyenas
*Three 6 Mafia: Set the movement back. The Academy can suck it. Spike Lee gets shafted for Do the Right Thing and Four Little Girls but these fools are Oscar winners...yeah, that seems fair. Thanks for throwing a bone devils
*Crash beats Brokeback Mountain. Hollywood if full of self-loathing gays. End.of.story. But hey, nice looking out for the Asians...they never get shite
*I just want to hug Ang Lee. I want to hug him even more when he was balls to the walls and was like, "Um, we won everything else, this is surpring. And yeah, I saw Crash (sigh)--it was (sigh again) a good movie." He was this close to saying "Fuck this shit" in Tawainese. Love that dude
*Jake Gyllenhaal you are still a winner in my eyes...also, nice look of disgust when Crash won. Remember baby, you will always be smarter than Matt Dillion...so will my third cousin with severe autism
*Poor Jon Stewart. Hollywood types have no sense of humor. But come on did you really think the Daily Show packages were going to kill? Overall, good run, good run. Just do yourself a favor and never host again...totally thankless
*David Strathairn is a silver fox...and robbed. I'm not made at Phillip Seymour Hoffman, he was killing it, but David S. had that shit on crazy lock
*Could Salma Hayek's breasts be anymore glorious? If so, I will just faint. Nice
*I love Dolly Parton and her crazy hillbilly self. I want to have brunch with her. Oh, and I love Jack Nickelson jamming out during her performance. Also what was sweet: The look on his face when he announced that Crash won Best Picture--it was like he lost his office pool
*You know what is a bad idea? Re-inacting the fingerbang scene from Crash behind the lady that is singing the "Best Song" Nominee. Classy producers, real classy. Next time re-stage the 9 minute rape from Irrevsible...that should be really awesome
*Reese Witherspoon--I like you. I'm now officially totally tired of you. Yawn. Try playing a chick playing a dude becoming a chick...I'm pretty sure that is harder than a few singing lessons. Sorry Felicity
*Jennifer Garner almost taking a header when coming out to present...shucks, that almost makes 3.5 hours or boredom worth it. Nah, nah, it doesn't
*Just a little suggestion: Kill all the "Golden Age of Hollywood" montages. They are dead to me and so are you
*George Clooney: You handsome charming devil you

Ta da...the end.

See you next year!