That Dude

This post is something that had to simmer for a hot minute cause sometimes blogging while angry is not a good look. Like drunk dialing, you look a fool, make stupid errors and really, it's just embarrassing. Okay, so now that I've settled here is the breakdown...

My muse worthy friend Ellen and I went to have dinner at Aunt Suzie's in the Slope (cheap Eye-talian, swalla!) and to check out the Cold War Kids at Union Hall a few weeks ago. So we're grubbing, she's telling me about some bastard of a man that fucked with her and we're having a good old time.

Cut to Union Hall, the guest list thing and being our fun bitchy selves. What that entails is having the simultaneous realization that the majority of the dudes at the Hall ALL look the same. Point to be made: Beards are not a good accessory. Really, not cute. This ain't the Witness Protection Program sons, what you got to hide?

Alright so we are chilling, having some cheap wine and leaning against the wall of this VERY small and VERY loud venue being cute. Well the band goes on and they play the songs I wanna here from the get go and I'm happy but overall the sound is beat and they sound kinda weak. All that hype was a touch unwarranted. Was I mad at that? Nah. Just underwhelmed but still down to hang.

So Ellen and I are chatting...on the side...not the front mind you....and some old ass, haggard hipster rolls right in my face and says, "Can you be quiet?" For reals, I was like, (this is my internal dialogue) "You got to be kidding me you bucking guy!" Instead though Ellen and I looked at each other and were gobsmacked. Dude, who does that? I wasn't hootin', wasn't hollerin' just being that 30 something that doesn't need complete silence at A FUCKING ROCK SHOW! Right behind me some jokers were loud as hell and he didn't say anything but to me he had to say something. I know why. Cause I'm black and he doesn't want his indiehood tainted. Dick. Okay, maybe not, but you never know, dude could be a Nazi sympathizer. He was definitely getting his fascist on with me.

Okay so just when I was like, "Maybe I was a little loud," the punk turns to this fun dancey guy behind him and shushes him. Like he did me, with the international sign for be quiet. What the fuck? We deaf. Do you got to do that too?! Well dude--behind the dude--he shushed turned to his friend and said, "Did he just tell us to shut the fuck up?" Yeah, he did, and you should have cut him. Mr. Buzzkill then folded his earlobe over his ear canal. One more time. Who does that?!

So here is my open letter to dude:

Buddy,

I know you were super stoked to go this show because hey, it was in Brooklyn, where you live and you were one of 150 people that got tickets to this sold out show so you are feeling superior and cool cause you knew that when you went to Brooklyn Vegan or Stereogum the next day you were going to be in the know. I get it, yeah, that is awesome. But guess what? I don't give a fuck. You are THAT dude. THAT dude that needs to stay at home and listen to music in a very quiet environment that YOU can control. Buddy, you can't control this. It's a rock show. It's loud. If this was the Met or hell, even Bjork during her Vespertine period I understand quiet but this was like being in some loud ass house party.

Hey, I'm old too but I'm not that OLD. Apparently you are. That being said make the decision: Are you a hipster or a haggard old THAT dude? Figure it out. And if I see you again and you pull that shit... oh, it's on. I will come at you like a spider monkey and make you wish you were at home with your iPod and a dream.

Best Wishes,
e

Moral of the story: Overall that 'ish was kinda funny. Still, I will take a blade out of my mouth if I see assy. But I do love a good story to tell. Makes me feel all warm inside.